Of Steel
by Adam Kadmon
Summary: Even steel can bend, even steel can break.
1. Chapter 1

Of Steel

Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Evangelion.

/\/\/\/\

She chalked her name on the board with wide, looping letters. She faced the class with a lopsided grin, friendly and eager and confident.

"Hi there," she said, giving her peers a short wave. "I'm Mana Kirishima. Pleased to meet all of you."

The students offered a polite reception. Some of the boys and some of the girls looked her over and whispered and grinned. Mana bore the scrutiny with an easy, unwavering smile.

The teacher leaned over his podium, idly scratching his chin. "Ms. Kirishima, I believe there's an empty seat in the second row by Mr. Ikari. Ikari! Raise your hand."

The Ikari boy startled and shot a hand up, correcting his posture in the process. He had given Mana a brief glance during her entrance and introduction then turned his sight out the window to his left. She was glad he wasn't drooling over her, but at the same time his disinterest was a shot at her vanity.

She took her seat amid the gentle buzz of excitement over a new transfer. She casually leaned towards the Ikari boy and stared at him, waiting for the tingly sensation of being watched to prick him. He glanced at her and she caught his eye with a smile. He blushed, and before he could turn away she slid across her desk towards him.

"Jeez," she said. "How am I supposed to focus on school? My first day here and they sit me next to the cutest guy in class."

He made a strangled coughing sound from his throat. One row behind him a crash of hands on a desk thundered through the room as a foreign girl with long red hair shot to her feet.

"_If we can begin…"_ the teacher growled, daring his pupils to interrupt again. The foreign girl dropped back into her seat, glaring daggers, swords and spears at the boy.

Mana shrugged and turned to her desk's terminal. The day's lecture began, a droning hum that floated above her head. The same blather about meteors and humanity's perseverance and responsibility she heard before.

Several messages chirped at her from impatient classmates wanting to know the details of her life; where she went to school before (Matsushiro), what were her hobbies (music and movies), what her parents did (father is a public utility wage slave, no comment on mother), what were her measurements ("If you have to ask you'll never know") and if she wanted to join the struggling soccer club ("I'll get back to you"). Someone asked if she was a pilot ("Only in video games"). A few, two using caps lock, demanded to know if she was serious about the boy, Shinji Ikari.

Mana paused, glancing sidelong at him. He was still blushing, confused and upset. He was making a concerted effort not to look at her. Her hands fell back on the keyboard.

("As serious as he makes it")

A gentle classroom storm of keystrokes and murmurs followed, and Mana let herself be pleased with the result. She opened a link to Shinji, waiting for him to sign on and reply to a benign greeting. She felt his eyes dart to her, waited for him to overcome his hesitation, then heard him typing.

Welcome to Tokyo-3, he sent her.

Mana smiled at the safe confines of formality he decided to hide in. She thanked him with an openly vague inquiry as to what the city was best known for, gracefully ignoring the biomechanical elephant in the room.

He paused. Technological research, came his answer.

Mana kept smiling.

She aggressively pursued a conversation. She was the naïve transfer student, her language told him. She was the conspicuous outcast, alone in a sea of judgmental peers without any support or links. She was an unfamiliar face in an unfamiliar place.

("I'm just a little nervous about being new and alone. Do you know what that's like?")

Yes, came his reply.

They went back and forth as he did an admirable job of pretending to listen to the lecture. Mana didn't bother with such subterfuge. So he fumbled along trying to answer her questions and guide her on expected school protocol and general acclimation as best he could. He told her there were others better suited to the task but she was politely insistent in her confidence of his ability based on proximity. And he was nice enough to ignore class to talk to her.

("Could I eat lunch with you today? I still feel a little out of place.")

And there was a pause. It was long enough to make her worry she overstepped some unknown boundary with him.

Okay, he finally responded, and she let him hear a soft squeak of delight.

The school bell broke through the teacher's drone to end morning classes. He exited with a distracted farewell and left the students to their own devices during the lunch period.

The class moved in slow motion, mostly silent and vigilantly observant of what was about to happen. Mana felt their collective eyes on her, a sense of restrained outrage and scandal weighing the air. She was aware a boy behind them was using a handheld camera to film them. The foreign girl was purposefully glaring in another direction.

Mana checked her computer's messaging connection.

_Oh, gee,_ she thought. _Were we chatting on a public line? Oops._

Shinji rose from his desk and turned to her, straining under the entire class' scrutiny. He offered an unsure smile.

"Ah, hi," he said.

"Hi," Mana said, getting to her feet.

She gave him a proper once-over without appearing to. He was thin, there was no way around it, but he had long fingers and subtly wide shoulders that hinted at future height. His face had appealing curves, and his eyes were a very unusual deep shade of blue. The overall package passed inspection.

He was doing his best not to look at her directly, his eyes pulled away by the various onlookers. A good portion of the class was still closely monitoring their interaction without trying to appear like they were. The rest were unabashed in their voyeurism.

"I feel a little silly," she told him. "I went and had a whole conversation with you without letting you introduce yourself."

"I'm Shinji Ikari," he said with a voice showing no harm was done. "Pleased to meet you."

"Pleased to meet you, too, Mr. Shinji Ikari." She smiled at him, and he gave her an uncertain one back. Mana laughed once in self-admonishment. "And I, ah, I didn't mean to embarrass you earlier when I first sat down. It just sort of slipped out."

His face scrunched slightly in confusion, then went red as he remembered. "O-Oh, uh, it's okay. I mean, don't worry about it."

"Still cute."

Shinji cleared his throat and blindly grabbed for the bento in his desk. "So, uh, do you want to eat now?"

Mana treated him to a shining smile. "I'd love to."

It was nothing but another adventure, she told herself, like when she was a child.

/\/\/\/\

It was the second day she ate with Shinji that Mana was convinced his friends didn't like her. The first day they were guardedly polite at her intrusion, making sure to keep conversation as mild and bland as possible. She expected no less. People always seemed mindful to make an inoffensive first impression. She remained friendly and social, trying to let them know they didn't have to modulate their behavior on her account.

She dragged Shinji down to the cafeteria, employing his discretion to pick a decent meal. The room was mobbed with students but Mana led him through the crowd to the front with unnatural ease. She ordered what he recommended and they slipped back out to the door, where they ran into Shinji's friends.

"Oh," Toji said as she approached with Shinji, "you're eating with us again?"

"Yeah," Mana said before Shinji could react. "We had such a good time yesterday. But I don't want to step on any toes here," she placated.

"Oh, uh, of course not." Kensuke gave her a conciliatory smile. "I just thought, I don't know, you'd be more comfortable around girls."

_Huh,_ she thought. _I never knew guys could be so passive-aggressive._

"Eh," she shrugged. "I don't mind crashing the boy's club. Guys are easier to deal with."

"That's a fact," Toji said in a longsuffering manner. "Girls are all dramatic and can never just say what they mean. Uh, no offense."

Mana waved it off. "None taken. Girls can be dramatic." She glanced at Shinji. "But I at least try to say what I mean."

Toji and Kensuke attempted to squeeze through the mass of students to the lunch counter, failed, and resigned themselves to waiting in line. Kensuke spied Mana edging towards the door with Shinji.

"Keep us company?" he posed.

Shinji gave him a puzzled look, then glanced at Mana who gave him a disappointed half-shrug. "Sure?"

The line was backed up and moving slowly. Orders were shouted from the front. Toji groaned, openly lamenting how picked-over the fare would be once they arrived. Mana opened her sandwich and began eating.

Toji frowned at Mana, then sighed in resignation to cruel fate. "Damn. Why is it so packed today?"

"I know," Kensuke said. "It's not even bean paste Thursday."

"The bean paste is good around here?" Mana asked Shinji.

"I guess. I've never had it but everyone talks about it…"

"It's good compared to the other stuff we get," Toji offered. "That ain't saying much. Best of a bad situation."

They waited in line. Kensuke glanced at Mana, still nibbling her sandwich.

"I heard Daisuke Yamada asked you out," he said to her after a glance at Shinji.

"Hmm?" Mana scrunched her brow and tapped her index finger against her bottom lip. Her face cleared. "Oh, yeah. That guy with the spiky hair." She rolled her eyes in utter dismissal. "I turned him down. Not my type."

"He's pretty popular…"

"And an upperclassman."

"And a star on the soccer team."

"Like I said, not my type. He had this look, like it was an honor to even speak to him and I should thank him for the opportunity. Pfft. Forget that. He's not looking for a girlfriend; he's looking for a groupie."

"What is your type?" Toji wondered aloud in a slightly uneasy tone.

"Interested?"

"… You're not my type," he deadpanned.

"Ha!"Mana quirked a smile. "Hmm. My type? I don't know. Um, someone who's responsible?"

"Like someone who has a job?" Kensuke said with a wry grin.

"Mmm… yeah. Yeah. Someone who has a job is a good way to see if he's responsible." She chuckled. "Of course, we're all too young to have jobs."

Shinji looked uncomfortable. Toji shot him a humorless smile.

"I don't know. I hear NERV hires all sorts of people."

"NERV?" Mana repeated. "That huge company that lives in the ground?" She followed the boys' eyes to Shinji. "Do _you_ have an afterschool job with them?"

"Ah, sort of—"

"Huh." She appraised him with new eyes. "Like, are you a gopher, or a courier or something like that? Ooh! I bet you're in PR. You're super polite."

Shinji sweated. "Um…"

"I guess piloting could conceivably fall under NERV's PR branch," Kensuke mused.

"Piloting?"

"Yeah. Piloting." Kensuke stared at her lack of comprehension and worked through a small bout of outraged confusion. "He's a pilot," he stated gently, like it was something you learned in preschool. "Of an Evangelion."

Mana spun on Shinji, almost losing her sandwich. "_No way_. How is that even—" She shook her head. "No way. That is like, totally the most… Seriously? No fooling?"

"… No fooling," he told her as he slumped a little.

She shook. "That is… _awesome!_ Unbelievable! How did they… Oh, man, you have to tell me _everything!"_

"Huh," Toji muttered. "I thought everybody knew by now."

"Yeah," Kensuke said, eyeing Mana.

She peppered Shinji with questions and he relived his early days as a transfer student. His cringing hesitance did little to dampen her enthusiasm.

"… And those Soryu and Ayanami girls are pilots, too? Unbelievable."

"It does seem unreal sometimes," Toji said idly.

Mana ignored him without malice, entirely focused on Shinji.

The line began moving but Mana stayed in place, keeping Shinji with her, absorbed in her interrogation. Toji looked back over his shoulder. Mana was leaning close to Shinji, her eyes bright and shining. She was smiling, talking very fast as he struggled to keep pace.

"Is that what I'm like?" Kensuke whispered.

"No," Toji said. "Not like that."

/\/\/\/\

Ten minutes into sixth period the Angel alarm sounded.

Mana watched the class react as one. The teacher moved to the door and herded the students out in orderly chaos. They turned left down the hall to meet the rest of the school; Shinji, Asuka and Rei turned right and started running for the exit.

Mana peered back over the heads of her classmates and found the pilots sprinting away. She was prepped on evacuation protocol by the teachers when she enrolled and knew the routes to the shelters, but until now it was just an abstract policy of paranoia by the staff. She knew the city was periodically under siege but there were surprisingly few casualties so far.

Mana glanced around her. None of the other students were looking at the pilots. She pushed through the flow of traffic to the stairs and leaned over the railing.

"Ikari!" she called out down the hall after Shinji. He turned and she gave him a nervous smile. "Be careful!"

Shinji looked mystified. Behind him, frozen in mid-stride, Asuka glared with dangerous shock. The other students in the hall wore similar expressions. Asuka recovered first.

"Come _on,_" she growled, pulling Shinji's arm.

He snapped back to reality and rushed away with her.

Mana watched him go, then slipped back into the mass of students. She tried to ignore the confused offense on their faces.

/\/\/\/\

Mana sat alone against the wall in evacuation shelter 17, watching the other students and teachers chat and mill around, seemingly oblivious to the death waiting for them outside. Groups of children played games and gossiped, some did homework or napped. The adults kept a lazy eye over the throng. A few yards away Aida and Suzuhara were sitting close together, staring at something on the small portable video camera.

Mana didn't mind being alone in a crowd. It was a chance to catch her breath between bouts of enforced interaction. She didn't hate her peers; it was just draining to be around them all day.

_And this is only day two,_ she thought.

Her integration was going along smoother than she anticipated despite the heap of rumors she was responsible for. Once the novelty of her status as a transfer died off things would settle down. She found it slightly pitiful how much importance teenagers put on unimportant things.

But it wasn't all bad. She found someone willing to let her get close and ease her way into Tokyo-3. Someone of apparently great importance.

_Be careful,_ she told Shinji. She wondered if she broke some kind of unspoken taboo, like telling an actor good luck before a performance. No one else expressed concern for the pilots and they all suffered varying degrees of shock at her own. Mana supposed in a world where death could claim them all without any warning at any time, drawing attention to reality was gently forbidden.

She rested her eyes and leaned back against the wall, trying to imagine what Shinji was doing at that moment. Was he in one of those robots, fending off extermination? Was he on standby after a false alarm? Was he already dead?

"Ms. Kirishima?"

Mana cracked an eye open and found Hikari Horaki standing before her wearing an uncertain smile.

"Class Rep," she said pleasantly. "Am I in trouble? Did I do something wrong?"

"Oh, no. Um…" Her freckles stood out as she blushed softly. "Would you like to sit with us?" She moved aside to display two girls on a mat several paces away. "We'd like you to."

Mana supposed a more direct interaction with Horaki could prove beneficial, both to her classroom existence and social survival.

She rose and stretched. "I'd appreciate it. It's kind of boring all by myself."

Hikari smiled brightly and led her to the mat. She sat and exchanged pleasantries with the other girls.

"Hello," one said, looking away. She adjusted a pair of thick glasses under a curtain of long, jet-black hair.

"Great," the other girl said, sporting short curly hair. "Now we have enough for Hearts."

"Ah," Mana said, turning to Hikari. "How wily of you. Luring me over here just so you could play a game."

"O-Of course not!" She blushed again and waved her hands in front of her. "I really did want to talk to you more! It wasn't because of any game!"

"Relax. I'm just pulling your leg." She patted the space beside her. "Let's play."

The cards were dealt. Mana performed with peaceful ineptitude, accepting a string of defeats without seeming to try for them. She was the new girl after all. She didn't want to burn any bridges with an easy victory. She learned being a teenager often meant tolerating boredom or embarrassment with a smile.

Mana laid a ten of diamonds on the floor. One of the girls broke hearts with a queen and Mana collected the pot.

"I'm pretty terrible at this," she said with a short laugh as she took in more points.

"It just takes practice," Hikari placated. She shot a dangerous look to her friends.

The girl with short hair scribbled down the scores from the latest round. Mana was a breath off one hundred. Hikari was next with thirty-six. She shuffled the deck and dealt the next hand.

"Is it always like this?" Mana asked Hikari, looking around.

"What do you mean?"

"Like… like it's a field trip or something." She saw Hikari's lack of understanding. "I mean the evacuation. There might be a battle going on outside, right?"

The other girls in the circle looked uncomfortable.

"… Yes, there might be a battle," Hikari said. "But we had evacuation drills for years. We're used to them. After awhile we figured there's nothing we can do, so we try to, to distract ourselves. It's not like we don't care about Asuka and Ikari and Ayanami," she said quickly, waving her hands before her. "We just have to… have faith in them."

"I guess it's tough for a transfer to understand," said the girl with long hair.

Mana smiled at the passive-aggression. "I guess so."

"… This is probably just a drill," Hikari said, sounding unsure. "It's been a while since we had one. Right?"

"I don't keep track," the shorthaired girl said. "All I know is we get to skip algebra today. Score."

"We'll just have to make it up tomorrow."

"But that's not until tomorrow. Learn to enjoy the moment, Hikari."

Mana broke one hundred on the next hand and they began a new game. She made sure to show improvement, though she still purposefully accepted last place without argument. She did feel a little guilty seeing how much Hikari fretted over her repeated losses. Mana kept an easy smile on her face, showing no harm was being done to her ego. The other two girls appeared not to care either way.

The shorthaired girl was in the middle of a story while they played, the latest worthwhile gossip from the year 2 student body.

"… So then Sakura was all like, 'At least I didn't grow my hair out and dye it red. It makes you look like a stuck-up wannabe,' to Miho, which was an indirect shot at Soryu. I mean, how dumb can you be? She'd _eviscerate_ Sakura if she heard that."

"Just because she dyed her hair doesn't necessarily mean anything…"

"Of course it does. Miho's trying to get Jin's attention. He's in _love_ with Soryu. Funny, he usually hates foreigners."

"I heard Soryu lives with Ikari," Mana jumped in, only to successfully slay the conversation's easy mood. "Is it true?"

"Uh, yeah," Hikari said. "She said it's for, um, tactical reasons. Since, you know, they both pilot."

"Oh. Do they get along?"

"Ah, well—"

"They're 2-A's 'marriage on the rocks'," the shorthaired girl told her. "Marital spats are daily, yet divorce seems out of the question. Well, who knows what married couples are really like behind closed doors?"

Hikari cleared her throat in warning.

"Oh, you know it's true, Hikari. For someone who constantly declares her hatred of him, Soryu sure does spend a lot of time around Ikari. And I mean, he cooks for her, cleans for her…" She chuckled. "He's her little house husband."

"Nothing wrong with that," Mana said. "I wouldn't mind coming home to something like that every day."

"… Do you really like Ikari?" the girl with glasses asked.

"May-chan!" Hikari scolded.

"It's okay," Mana said breezily. "I guess I haven't exactly been discreet." She shrugged. "I want to know more about him. He seems like a nice guy. But I, ah, I certainly don't want to break up a marriage. Or be a mistress."

The joke earned polite titters, which Mana counted as a victory in this crowd.

"Uh, l-let's deal the next round," Hikari said, sounding nervous. She collected the forgotten cards and began shuffling. "I think we pass left this time?"

"While I can't agree with your and Soryu's taste in men," the shorthaired girl went on, "don't go getting on her bad side. Hikari has a tough enough time, and she's her best friend."

"I'm sitting right here."

"Oh, relax. All I'm saying, Kirishima, is just be ready for a fight."

"Don't worry about me," Mana said with a grin. "I am a fighter."

/\/\/\/\

The pilots returned two days later. Rei entered first, crossing the room to her desk without a word. Asuka and Shinji came in next, she looking dangerously unpleasant, he looking tired and putout.

Mana let him be during morning classes, hesitant to bother him when he looked so weary. From what she gleaned over the last few days piloting one of those things was a very draining experience, physically and mentally. During her interrogation of him the other day he didn't seem too forthcoming with details. At first she thought it was simply due to some kind of enforced secrecy by his NERV masters but now she wondered if it was of his own volition.

The lunch period bell rang and Mana rose from her desk, waiting for Shinji to do the same. He was sitting back in his chair, looking like he was fending off sleep. He finally noticed her presence and sat up straight, preparing an apology.

"Welcome back," she told him.

He relaxed. He smiled at her. "Thanks."

She smiled back. She took a step closer and spoke for his ears only. "And… sorry. About how I acted the other day. I guess you don't really enjoy talking about it, huh?"

He was quiet for a time. "It's okay. You don't need to apologize." Shinji rose from his desk. "Want to get some lunch?"

She smiled again in pleasant surprise to his initiative. "Sounds good."

They walked out of the classroom together. Mana felt the eyes of the students on them again and did not entirely hate it. She bit her tongue against the questions she wanted to ask him and instead told him what he missed during his absence. It was pointless information but he listened attentively. They talked and ignored the rest of the world, and it was enough for her.

/\/\/\/\

Chapter 1 end

Author notes: Mana doesn't get a whole lot of love, does she? I'm very guilty of giving her the short end of the stick, so let's see how this pitiful attempt at penitence turns out.

Not much happened this time, but you know me: I use long setups to mask the underlying lack of originality in my fics. Did I write that out loud?

Next time: More stilted conversation from a non-canon character no one likes!

OMAKE inspired by Sideris

Ten minutes into sixth period the Angel alarm sounded.

The class reacted as one. They herded the pilots out of the room, kicking them down the hall into the arms of whatever form death took that week. Cruel nicknames and veiled threats followed them, warning of the price of failure.

The rest of the school checked into the party room, otherwise known as evacuation shelter 17. The teachers broke out booze and smokes, while students chose between the pool, table tennis, karaoke machines or snack bar. Hikari and her nameless friends sat together, weary and annoyed.

"What a hassle," she sighed. "My best friend's in another life-or-death struggle against giant hell monsters with the fate of mankind hanging in the balance. Well, time to break out the cards."


	2. Chapter 2

Of Steel

Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own Evangelion.

/\/\/\/\

The beans they stole from the military depot were dry and flakey, pre-Impact. The cans were dented and stained, some were rusted, some were missing labels, some were half-opened. Mana ate the ancient beans they burnt on their antique pan over their pitiful fire and knew it was a feast. After digging through ruins and garbage for days the poorly guarded army outpost was a miracle, a sliver of light from heaven to make them rethink the absence of God in their world.

They smiled as they ate, singeing their fingers on the pan as they fought down the mild nausea of the old food and ignoring the diarrhea they might suffer later. Food poisoning never entered their minds: how could food poison someone? Food was always good, even if it could make you feel bad sometimes. Food kept you alive. And that was good, because…

Because…

"Because dying's for wimps," Musashi would say. "And I'm not a wimp."

And Asari, despite his demeanor, was not a wimp. And Mana was not a wimp. So they couldn't die.

"Ms. Kirishima?"

She smiled. It was just like Asari to rest on formalities, even after all their time together.

"It's Mana," she told him yet again. "Remember?"

She looked up when he didn't offer his expected calm apology and found Shinji staring at her, unsure, a brush of color on his cheeks.

Mana glanced around quickly as the world collapsed into place. She was in class 2-A in Tokyo-3's junior high school in 2015 having lunch with Shinji Ikari and his two friends. A desk away, with them but not with them, sat Asuka Langley Soryu and her friend, Class Representative Horaki . Across the room by the windows Rei Ayanami was alone, staring out into the cloudy sky.

"Mana…?" he tried, quietly probing for deception or tricks.

"Uh, yeah. I mean, it's been almost a week, right?" The past slithered back to the periphery of her consciousness, wriggling at the edges, waiting to break free. "No need to rest on formalities, Mr.—" _Asari._ "—Ikari." And she shot him a wink and a smile.

It was the fifth day she ate lunch with him, gently pressuring him into social contact, unabashed in her aims but careful not to scare him into avoidance.

"You can call me Shinji," he murmured, fumbling with his hands. He tried to hide a smile at his desk. At his side, Aida adjusted his glasses. Suzuhara grimly focused on his meal.

Mana returned to her own cafeteria-bought fare, eating without tasting. Long ago she taught her taste buds to hide when something was in her mouth, be it ancient beans from an abused can or a school lunch. Judging from Suzuhara's enthusiasm it wasn't very good anyway.

She forced the bread down her throat, lubricated with milk, and successfully reoriented herself. She peeked into Shinji's bento of croquettes and vegetables and rice, meticulously crafted and organized.

"Hey, big spender," Mana said to him, peering over the lid of his bento. "That's no school lunch. I've been meaning to ask you: what gourmet shop do you buy those at?"

He looked down at his meal and became acutely self-conscious. "It's not like that. I, ah, I sort of made it."

"Wow!" Mana gushed. She paused, staring at him. "Can I try it?"

Shinji went red. "I've already eaten some…"

"So? There's still a bunch left." She drew back a hair, grinning. "Then again, maybe you _should_ have it all. You need some meat on your bones."

He darkened in shame and Mana swore at herself.

"But you know," she recovered, "slim guys are fun, too. Easier to get your arms around." Shinji's blush turned bright and she smiled again.

"Ms. Kirishima," Hikari began, cautiously ready to educate on the decorum expected of a young lady.

"You're right," Asuka broke in. "He's skin and bone. He shouldn't be frittering his lunch away on someone else." She kept her eyes on her own meal.

Mana shrugged in good-natured defeat and returned to her meal with blithe good cheer. The boys ate under an air of awkward expectation, anticipating some heinous new breach of the class 2-A social contract any minute.

After a brief attempt by Aida to redirect the conversation to a television show, Shinji, who had not touched his food since their earlier exchange, shyly pushed his bento towards Mana.

"I, ah, I had a big breakfast, so, if you still wanted to try some—"

"Definitely! Thanks!" She plucked the chopsticks from him and selected a breaded croquette. She closed her eyes as she bit into it, then sighed in pleasure. "I'm so jealous. I'd love to eat like this every day. My dad doesn't cook at all and I'm totally incompetent, too." She chuckled. "I burn microwave dinners."

"It isn't _that_ good," Asuka grumbled as she closed her unfinished bento, keeping an ear towards them.

"She's right," Shinji said, preparing to ramble in discomfort. "I mean, it isn't like I'm doing anything really special or good. Um, you should see dinner. It's even less of a deal than this."

"Is that an invitation?" Mana pounced. "I'd love to have dinner with you!"

"Um…" He glanced around, searching for an answer. His friends looked worried. Asuka did not look at him. "Sure?"

She squealed in delight. "Oh, thank you! Are you busy tonight? Is that okay?" She observed his panic and backed off a step into an appropriately embarrassed appearance. "Uh, sorry. My dad's always telling me not to rush ahead without looking. I didn't mean to impose. I just got a little excited."

"No, its fine," he told her, waving her shame away. He glanced at Asuka again. She still wasn't looking at him. "Tonight is okay, if you want." He worked out a shaky grin when she beamed at him.

She wondered if they'd have beans tonight.

/\/\/\/\

Mana pressed the door buzzer at 5:52. Shinji answered, wearing a well-laundered apron and an embarrassed smile.

"Sorry," she said with an appropriately cute cringe, "am I early?"

"Ah, no, no," he replied. He glanced behind him. "I'm just running a bit behind schedule." He blinked at her. "Oh, sorry. Please come in." He backed away and let her remove her shoes.

"Here you go." She handed him a small box. "It's some tea." She grinned when he stared blankly at her. "I'm a guest. I'm supposed to bring something, right?"

"Y-You didn't have to. Really." He swallowed and took the box, cradling it carefully. "But thank you. I, ah… Thanks."

Shinji led her down the front hall into the kitchen. Mana trailed after, taking in the apartment with a casually curious eye.

"It smells good," she remarked to him.

"Thanks," he mumbled.

Mana plucked at the sleeveless button-up she was wearing. "I feel kind of underdressed. Here I am, invited over for dinner, and I'm just in weekend attire."

Shinji glanced over his shoulder, eyeing her outfit. He quickly turned away. "Not at all. You look… um, fine."

She could hear the blush in his tone.

He led her through the kitchen to the living room. Asuka was stretched out on the couch in shorts and tank top, idly watching television. She did not offer a greeting or acknowledgement.

"Dinner's almost done," Shinji said, sounding nervous. He turned to Mana. "Uh, sorry. I'm kind of tied up with cooking right now. Please, make yourself at home."

"Do you need help?" Mana asked.

"Oh, no. No, you're a guest; please, just relax." He offered an awkward smile then hurried back to the stove. He looked frazzled.

"So you really showed up," Asuka said when he was gone, not looking away from the TV. Onscreen a middle-aged housewife struggled to win a vacation to Okinawa on a trivia game show.

"Of course," Mana answered. She waited for eye contact. She didn't get it. "Is it a huge imposition?"

"One more won't matter."

"So… what are you watching?"

"Television."

She watched the game show for a moment. "Who's winning?"

Asuka's jaw clenched once, then relaxed. "Whoever's not losing."

"… Do you mind if I sit down?"

"Knock yourself out. The floor's all around you," Asuka said in a bored tone that told her the conversation was over.

Mana scanned the rest of the room. On the floor in front of the TV was a strange animal laying on its side, its head propped up by a flipper.

"Hey there, little guy," Mana cooed, bending down. She offered a hand. "Aren't you a cute little... bird thing."

The bird thing looked her over with one bead eye, then turned back to the television. Mana scrunched her brow.

"That's Pen Pen," someone said behind her.

"Oh," she said, trying to work through the sudden tension at being snuck up on. How did she not hear her? She turned and found a tall woman with long dark hair expertly working a short dress. "Ms. Katsuragi, right?"

"That's me," Misato said, extending an easy hand. "Nice to finally meet you. Shinji hardly talks about you, which means he thinks about you a lot."

Something clattered loudly in the kitchen.

Mana accepted the offered hand with a humble smile. "I hardly talk about him, either."

Something else clattered loudly in the kitchen.

Misato wore a light, amused grin. "Is that so? I'm afraid another woman in his life will only cause him more stress."

"Then hopefully I can help relieve some of it for him."

There was an awkward, staggered silence. Cheering erupted on the television as the housewife won the vacation.

"Dinner's ready!" Shinji called out, sounding like he was tumbling into a nervous breakdown.

They sat around the kitchen table to eat, still in silence. Mana stole the seat beside Shinji as he pulled his chair out.

"You really went all out," she said to him, breaking the spell. She eyed the spread. "And you said dinner was no big deal. Fibber." She poked him in the arm and earned a surprised smile.

"Well, I mean, we have a guest, so…"

"I'm not complaining," Mana told him. "Thank you for the food!" She selected a sautéed carrot from the community dish and bit off the end. She hummed in contentment. "You really do have a talent, Shinji. You should definitely pursue it."

"You shouldn't encourage him," Asuka grumbled as she dotted her plate with a few scraps. "He's too housebroken as it is."

Mana smiled innocently. "I like a man who knows how to cook. It shows you're good with your hands."

Shinji choked as he blushed. Asuka's eyes bulged in staggering outrage. Misato chose a small broccoli floret.

They ate. Pen Pen waddled by, found the bowl of food Shinji left for him, picked it up and retired to his refrigerator. Shinji took a nervous scan of the table. Asuka was idly nibbling through her meal, Misato was eating with a strange expression fixed on her face.

"So," he began, shifting towards Mana, "how do you like Tokyo-3?"

She brightened but hesitated. "It's… interesting. There's a lot to see."

"So how much have you seen?" Asuka asked in an odd voice.

Mana cringed lightly. "Um, not much. Just the school and the business district where I live." She tried to laugh. "I mean, I've barely been here a week, so…"

"I keep forgetting that."

"How do you like school?" Misato leisurely jumped in. "Getting acclimated?"

"Shinji's been a huge help. Just learning the layout, the systems and what different teachers expect and what they like… I'd be totally lost without him."

"I never knew Shinji was so chivalrous."

"He's always been a perfect gentleman with me," Mana said, hinting at pride.

"If you want to call it that," Asuka murmured to herself. She hadn't looked up from her plate the entire meal. "Ordinary manners and chivalry are two different things."

"I haven't noticed a difference."

"The food's getting cold," Shinji piped up with a strained voice. A shaky hand filled his plate. He relaxed a degree when the others consented to eat. "Does everyone have enough?"

"It's not like you can make any more right now."

"All good here."

"It's the perfect amount for me," Mana told him with a warm smile.

Shinji swallowed thickly, then returned to his meal. His appetite had coiled into a queasy lump in his tensed stomach. The kitchen seemed very small.

/\/\/\/\

They finished dinner, leaving only a few traces on the table which Shinji reflexively collected and packed away in the refrigerator.

"Ah," Misato sighed pleasantly, sitting back in her chair. "That was tasty. Good show, Shinji. What do you got for after-dinner?"

"Mana brought some tea," he offered, sending her a quiet smile.

"I'll have coffee," Asuka said.

"I'm okay with beer," Misato said, raising her can.

Shinji frowned subtly and turned to the stove to heat the kettle. Misato directed an inscrutable grin towards Mana.

"It seems you know Shinji pretty well," she said. "Tea's a real vice for him."

"He mentioned it once or twice, so…" Mana shrugged in embarrassment. "I really didn't know what else to bring. I thought tea would be the least controversial."

"How pragmatic of you."

"I don't want to rock the boat." Her eyes drifted to Shinji. "Not too much."

They drank and Shinji produced small individual puddings from the refrigerator. He set the plates down before each woman. Asuka hummed something that might have been gratitude or indigestion. Misato, in the middle or a draw from her beer can, offered an appreciative wave. Mana thanked him and said it looked delicious.

"It's late," Asuka stated after speeding through her pudding and coffee.

"Kids these days," Misato lamented. "Thinking _this_ is late. Then again, tomorrow is a school day."

Mana leaned slightly towards Shinji with a smile. "Could you walk me to the tram? It's only a few blocks from here—"

"He has dishes to do," Asuka said, dumping hers in the sink. "And he still hasn't made our lunches for tomorrow."

"I can do those when I get back," he said. Mana smiled wider at him for the initiative. "Um, like you said, it's only a couple blocks."

"I won't keep you _too_ long…"

Asuka made her way across the kitchen to her room without a word.

Misato hummed in thought. "I suppose it _is_ late for young'uns." She finished her beer and stood. "I'll give you a lift home. I don't trust Section-2 at night. Or during the day. And besides, it'll save you some money."

"I don't want to impose on you any more than I already have, Ms. Katsuragi," Mana said, pretending to be bad at taking hints.

She smiled. "I insist."

/\/\/\/\

The city flashed by in the passenger window. Mana gazed out at blurring buildings and streaking lights. Pedestrians hurried along the sidewalks and overpasses, in pairs and in groups and alone. One couple swayed together under the yellow circle of a streetlamp, very close. Mana couldn't see their faces.

"This is a nice car, Ms. Katsuragi," she said, turning away from the window.

"Isn't it?" Misato gave her a glance. "Nervous?"

Mana relaxed the hand gripping the door handle with an embarrassed laugh. "I'm just not used to riding in cars. I usually take the rail or hoof it."

"I guess a car is an indulgence in this city."

"I think it's okay to treat yourself sometimes."

"It's a weakness," Misato admitted with a light shrug. "But hey, who knows what tomorrow will bring. Make the most of the day. A nice car ride…" She swerved around a slow truck with reflexive recklessness. "… a dinner with friends… Use the time you have."

Her placid smile, her calculating eye and loose demeanor all put Mana on edge. Something about the woman's lack of outward concern forcibly triggered her combative defenses.

"I don't think Ms. Soryu likes me very much," Mana tried with a polite chuckle after a moment, trying to refocus.

"Mmm. She can be hard to get to know."

"Maybe she likes Shinji?"

Misato smiled in a way that made Mana shiver. "Maybe."

They drove. The car rumbled along at a leisurely illegal speed, weaving in and out of traffic with smooth untroubled motions. Misato looked completely at ease, her hands resting lazily on the bottom of the wheel and gearshift. Mana kept her hands in her lap.

"I've, ah, never seen an animal like that Pen Pen."

"He's a warm-water penguin. Before your time."

"The way Shinji talked about him I thought he was an old lazy dog or something."

"That's not a bad way to describe him."

Ahead, a traffic light's green blinked out and Misato floored the gas to beat the change to red.

"I feel like I should apologize to you," Mana said, working at sounding demure. "I sort of invited myself over tonight. I tend to forget my manners when I'm, ah, excited. It's just Shinji let me try some of his lunch today at school and it was so good and all…"

Misato still smiled her lazy, easy smile. "No worries. It made for an entertaining dinner." She laughed twice through her nose. "No one can accuse you of being indirect. I guess this is the part where I say 'if you hurt him, I hurt you,' huh?"

"I guess so. I'm not used to being threatened."

"Then you had a lucky upbringing."

The car passed a small ramen stand on the side of the street, a hazy mash-up of neon and wood. Mana had a glimpse of the proprietor, a bald hunched man with rolled-up sleeves, displaying well-muscled arms. A tattoo of a dragon coiled around his left bicep.

"I'm not… playing," she said quietly.

Misato smiled and drove.

"Ah," Mana said after another minute, gesturing out the window. "We're here. Home sweet home."

Misato abused the brakes and the car shrieked to a pinpoint stop. They were outside the west residential district, before a long line of narrow prefab housing units packed together like sardines.

Misato watched her slide out of the car. "If you ever need a ride, I can find you."

"I don't mind riding the rails. No need to bother with me." Mana shut the door carefully. "But thanks for this." She waved goodbye and walked around to the sidewalk.

"Hey."

Misato leaned out the open window, jutting her elbow into the road. She held Mana with a look.

"_I can find you."_

The car fishtailed slightly to the left as the tires squealed against the road, then peeled away into the night with a roar. Mana watched until it was a vague set of taillights blurring the darkness.

/\/\/\/\

Chapter 2 end

Author notes: Meh. This was a weak chapter. Next one should be a bit meatier. I'll try to get it out soon.

Next time: A mission of utmost importance, the scourge of truancy in Tokyo-3, and Shinji's overpowering sex appeal. Plus, _something actually happens to the plot._

OMAKE

"Hey."

Misato leaned out the open window, jutting her elbow into the road.

"_I can find you."_

"… I'm over here, ma'am," Mana said, on the other side of the street. "That's a mailbox."


	3. Chapter 3

Of Steel

Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I do not own Evangelion

/\/\/\/\

Hiroshi Takanashi was a man without distinguishing characteristics. He was of average height and weight, his black hair was just beginning to recede from a subtly wrinkled forehead. He wore the staid camouflage of the salaryman. Somewhere around the age of nineteen he stopped smiling and his skin was unperturbed by serious creases. His walk was brisk and purposeful.

Hiroshi Kirishima was much the same, although the adopted surname made him liable for additional responsibilities. Now the public role of father and caretaker were his and his professionalism was seen as stoicism and his emotional neutrality was seen as emotional cruelty. It did not bother him; it was a reassurance that the ruse had taken root.

So as his fellow actor returned to the building they called home he did not greet her with a smile or a hug or any words. His presence was enough.

He was not the most companionable handler the military could assign to her but Mana appreciated that about him. She knew he wasn't there to be her friend, her confidant, her father or even her comrade. He was there to make sure she didn't screw anything up. He knew it, too.

Hiroshi opened the front door for her and ushered her inside. After a quick scan of the street he shut and locked it, and followed Mana into the kitchen where she was already at the table. She propped her chin up, holding a frown in her palm.

"It went that badly?" Hiroshi asked.

"Katsuragi suspects something is off about me."

"That's unfortunate. Is she just being overprotective?"

"I doubt it. She's a tactician. I must have tripped an alarm or something." Mana sighed. "It put me on edge the entire night. I think I came on too strong. It's tough finding the right degree of interest for Shinji."

"So how was Mr. Shinji Ikari at home?"

"Fell squarely within projected estimates." She grinned snidely. "Although he's a better cook than reported."

"I'll update the file," Hiroshi deadpanned.

"Maybe we're rushing things," Mana said, leaning back in her chair and crossing her arms. "I mean, it's barely been a week since I met him."

"Time is a luxury we don't have. Besides, I'd think Mr. Ikari is used to extreme disruptions to his life by now."

"I'm offended. You consider me an extreme disruption?"

"That's basically what you're there to be," Hiroshi said. He sat across from her at the table and produced a digital recorder. He snapped it on. "Time to debrief. Start at the beginning, when you left here."

He was being more informal than usual but Mana didn't mind; it was a long night and she was tired. She recounted the evening, from Shinji's awkward greeting to Misato's veiled warning. The latter her military masters would especially be interested in.

_But it's not like they can take Katsuragi out,_ she thought. _NERV would not stand for that._

And Shinji would be sad.

Hiroshi switched the recorder off and rose. "It seems the household is about what we projected. Even if Katsuragi is suspicious, Shinji Ikari is the primary objective. If and when push comes to shove, as long as he sides with you, that is all that matters."

Mana sighed. "And Soryu?"

"What about Soryu?"

"She's… difficult to deal with. She either dismisses me or looks ready to rip my head off. Or Shinji's."

"She's a child. Use that to your advantage. In the end, she's the same as Katsuragi. Make Ikari choose you over them." He observed her wary face. "Just use your best judgment. It's worked so far."

That the JSSDF trusted her with that kind of autonomy was, in a sense, flattering, if she was grateful enough to care. As she was Mana accepted the faith of her commanders as necessity on their part. They had no other readily available avenues to influence the pilots in unobtrusive ways.

The restrictions for entering class 2-A alone were staggering. Mana was ignorant of most of the maneuvers her superiors used, except that it took nearly two years. And she was the culmination of the project, the spearhead. The tip of the trident.

_Wait, _she thought._ How did they know Shinji would be in that class?_ _Was I originally going to approach Ayanami?_ She smiled darkly. _Just shut up and do your job. They only tell you enough to complete the objective._

"Stay cool," Hiroshi went on. "You're our best option there."

Mana paused. "Are there other operatives like me in the school?"

"Focus on your mission, Kirishima." He tossed a dossier on the table before her. "Here's tomorrow's operation. Have fun."

"You're in an unusually playful mood tonight." She looked over the slim file. "I guess time really isn't a luxury."

They went over the parameters, walked through a mock run, covered contingency plans and went over what constituted a successful mission. Mana yawned widely.

"Get some rest, Kirishima," Hiroshi told her as he rose from the table to leave. "You look tired. You'll need to be on your A-game tomorrow."

"Right, right," she answered absently, still skimming the file.

"I expect a good report tomorrow night."

"You'll get one."

Mana left the kitchen, showered, and retired to her room. It was a bare space with a futon, a bureau of mission-specific clothes and a long mirror to craft her persona of a normal teenage girl. There were no books, no music, no TV, no games, no posters, no extra furniture; all that was to be selected by the army's next psych workup of Shinji to best suit his tastes and expectations. There was talk of a sturdier bed.

She lay down on her futon, staring up at the dark ceiling. Outside, faint wisps of traffic tickled her ears. She suddenly felt exhausted.

She replayed the night's events, weighing successes and failures based on her own regrettably limited knowledge of Shinji Ikari. She knew the military seemed chronically impatient regarding progress with the mission. They planned so long and spent so much to prepare and they were looking for a speedy return on their investment. Mana appreciated their anxiety and eagerness but failed to feel any genuine pressure for the timetable. Rushing things further would only scare Shinji.

Mana wanted to live this life a little longer. To pretend again, like when she was a child, but with someone who wasn't pretending. To see what a real teenager was like. She wanted to see normal for once in her life.

Hiroshi snored gently a room away. A plane rumbled softly overhead. Mana thought of tomorrow.

"Have fun," she whispered in the dark.

Mana shut her eyes and waited for sleep to claim her.

_Have fun._

/\/\/\/\

The mountain to the left of Tokyo-3's junior high school was artificial, though expertly made to appear normal. Trees and grass dotted it with the haphazard homogeny of nature, but the crease of land where a transport panel would slide open was visible to someone actively looking for it. The sizable warehouse at its foot, fenced and plastered with electrical warnings did little to dissuade the wary.

_Evangelion access route 22, umbilical outlet housing 37._

Citizens referred to the city as a battle fortress without fully comprehending what it meant. They knew evacuation drills and saw the odd, empty buildings sprinkled along the streets but the hidden missile racks and long-range cannons and private railway systems and giant elevator shields were all driven from vigilant awareness by the soothing NERV-sponsored government propaganda.

_Relax and continue on about your daily lives. Never mind the giant hell monsters duking it out on your front lawn. Look at all the shiny pretty things instead!_

The city's industrial district was the epicenter of a technological quake, with the modernization diminishing in rings the farther one traveled. The junior high school was far enough to look severely out of place and out of date. It sat on a hill above a rural residential area, none of the marvels of Tokyo-3's scientific arrogance seemingly able to penetrate it. The shining skyscrapers and sterile complexity were absent in favor of what she supposed was a simple rustic charm. There was a serious disconnect here, learning about the scientific accomplishments that sustained mankind these past fifteen years in a hold-over from pre-Impact existence.

_And right next to that._

The artificial mountain cast part of the school in a dim shadow. Mana looked away.

She was outside the school's main entrance, leaning against the left pillar of the gate with her hands behind her head. The bell chimed a minute ago, signaling the start of afternoon classes. She was modest in her approach to Shinji during the morning, letting him recover from last night and building up the effect of what she had planned.

Mana had an advanced phone, one capable of sending messages directly to his terminal, bypassing the school's monitoring system. She sent a playful summons and waited to see if he was willing to leave class to meet her. There was always the chance his curiosity and her overtures would fall victim to his fears and indecisiveness. She decided to give his internal struggle ten minutes before heading back.

She heard someone trotting across the front courtyard. She checked her watch. Two minutes flat. Mana smiled.

Shinji came around the corner and nearly ran into her.

"S-Sorry," he panted. He regained his bearings. "I, uh, how did you send me a message when you weren't in class?"

She displayed her phone. "My dad's a technophile. It's rubbed off on me."

"I didn't know they made phones that could do that." Shinji shook off her bad explanation. "Is everything okay?"

_Isolate subject. Remove the anxiety of an audience to fortify emotional hold._

"I just wanted to see you." She leaned forward a breath and paused, waiting the appropriate amount of time to build up sufficient courage. "Let's go somewhere!"

"Wh… What?" Shinji gestured vaguely behind them. "We have school and—"

"Let's skip." He seemed horrified at the prospect and Mana adopted a teasing demeanor. "I mean, come on. What are we going to miss? Our teacher droning on about his glory days? They aren't going to divulge the meaning of life today."

"But we could get in trouble."

"That'll make it more exciting." She saw him readying another polite refusal and adopted a playful whine. "Oh, come on. You owe me."

"I… owe you?" he repeated.

"Yeah. We've never eaten together like you said we would."

"What? Of course we have. Last night we—"

"I meant just the two of us. There have always been other people around. So now's the perfect opportunity to make good on the promise you made me the day we met. As I said, you owe me."

Shinji, confused and troubled, decided on a healthy internal debate and hoped the problem would solve itself. It didn't. Mana stared at him with patient expectation.

"I…"

She leaned forward, tensed.

"I guess we can go somewhere," Shinji said, sounding unsure.

"Great!" Mana exclaimed. She herded him away from the school. "I promise it'll be fun."

It was his lack of training that gave her any leeway. He lacked the military restraint of Ayanami and the personal commitment of Soryu. Shinji's loyalty to NERV was an airy, unresolved thing, relying on short-term emotional manipulation and outright deception to secure his cooperation. And when those tethers were cut and he acted on his own with the power he commanded in Unit-01 the results were erratic and volatile. Any ensuing damage would not be limited to NERV, and the JSSDF was not eager to engage in open warfare against an Evangelion.

The irony was not lost on Mana. Lying to Shinji to combat the lies already told to him, all in a mad scramble to secure his allegiance. She thought the romance angle was a little cliché and oversimplified the matter, but Shinji was a teenager after all.

It required a soft touch from Mana. To prod but not push, to sway but not confine. She was glad he appeared to be heterosexual. She didn't trust Asari or Musashi to handle this job. Asari was too platonic, Musashi was too impatient.

_Maybe NERV should have ordered Ayanami to sweep Shinji off his feet,_ she thought with a rare, genuine smile. _What an interesting triangle that would make._

Mana led him to the shopping arcade. Leisurely roaming from store to store beat school. It beat VR training and combat classes. The stakes may be higher but Mana felt more relaxed around Shinji than she had in years. It was easy to adopt a complimentary persona to his anxiety and insecurity.

"Ah," she sighed dramatically. "Out on the town with the hero who saved it so many times. I feel like an anime heroine. If only I had my own mecha. Then it'd be perfect." She turned to him. "So? You think I'd make a good pilot?"

"… I guess?" he told her, clearly struggling for the right answer.

"Gee, thanks for that vote of confidence."

"N-No, it's just, ah, you're certainly… strong enough, just… I'd rather you didn't pilot." He preempted her hurt feelings. "It can be dangerous."

"Well," Mana said slowly, "at least I can rest easy knowing you're out there."

"It's not like I did it by myself," Shinji murmured, trying to deflect praise. "I just got lucky a few times."

"Being lucky's not a bad thing." Mana laughed. "I'm still a little shocked you're a pilot of one of those things. What are the odds of me sitting next to you my first day here, and then making friends with you? It must be fate."

"You really didn't know?"

"Well, back in Matsushiro I heard rumors the pilots were teenagers, but I thought it was nonsense. It seemed too crazy to be real."

"It does seem crazy," Shinji said with a strange smile.

They approached a game shop. Colorful blinking consoles lined the windows, electric beeps and buzzes entered earshot. Mana tugged on Shinji's sleeve and pulled him towards the entrance.

"Let's see how I stack up against the legend." She herded him to a joined pair of consoles displaying garish red and blue mechs in a storm of missiles and tracers. "My treat," she said, inserting two coins before he could act. "I have to pay you back for dinner last night. Of course, you could think up some other way for me to work my debt off."

Mana was trained to modulate her voice with reflexive ease, switching from earnest to lighthearted to embarrassed to hurt without effort. Or, in this case, sincere to playfully seductive. All it amounted to was adaptation to what she discerned a situation called for. He turned away blushing and she counted another victory.

"Now don't go easy on me."

The twin video screens opened in a debris-strewn spacescape, meteors and shredded colonies dusting the region. The comically weaponized mecha appeared and soared towards each other, leaving shining trails of fluorescence in their wake. Shinji's ran headfirst into a sizable asteroid and lost a sixth of its health bar. Mana tried not to laugh.

Have fun, Hiroshi told her.

_This is what normal teenagers do, right?_ Mana thought. _They skip school with guys they like and goof off, right?_ She glanced at Shinji as he played. He wore a small, content smile. _Normal teenagers don't fight monsters in giant robots._

And normal teenagers weren't spies for the military.

Mana pushed the bitterness and guilt down. She let the mission drift to the back of her mind for a moment and made believe they were just another normal teenage couple out together, doing the things normal teenage couples did. She forced the simulated fun from her voice and demeanor, the practiced flirting, the subtle movements and lingering gazes all designed to ingratiate herself within his heart were pushed aside and she tried to let out the person Mana Kirishima should have been.

She watched Shinji and wondered if he was the Shinji Ikari he was supposed to be. She tried to forget about a world with giant robots and giant monsters and child soldiers and global cataclysms and dead parents and let herself be a girl out on the town with a boy she was supposed to like.

Despite her best efforts to lose, the game ended with defeat for Shinji as his mecha burst apart in a sphere of orange fire. He took the loss with self-effacing humor, explaining how terrible he was at video games. She laughed along with him, relieved at his good-natured mood in the face of electronic emasculation.

"Just stick with me," she told him as the next round started. "It'll be fun teaching the ace something new." Her voice held a wink and a smile.

Shinji grinned. "You're taking my lack of ability better than Kensuke or Toji. Or Asuka."

His voice always adopted a fierce gentleness when he said her name. Mana wondered what images sprang to mind for him. Those short shorts she wore last night, maybe.

They played twice more, Shinji losing gracefully each time. He didn't seem upset or bored. His concerns about playing hooky appeared forgotten.

They left the game shop and strolled the arcade. Mana quickly squashed the debate whether to hold his hand or link arms, even in a playful manner. Best to hold something in reserve. The day was already on a tenuous beginning and she didn't want to scare him into self-consciousness.

The shopping arcade was mostly empty. A few young adults roamed from store to store, several elderly citizens walked the perimeter. The sky was overcast and the air was chilled, discouraging a large crowd. Mana walked close to Shinji and he tried not to mind.

She stopped at an outdoor café. They sat and ordered tea, despite the waiter's disapproving frown. But he wasn't a truant officer and they had money.

Mana realized days ago Shinji was terrible at conversation. He could answer questions and usually keep pace, but initiation and active questioning were nearly foreign to him. She tried to draw him out, put him at ease and let him pursue what he wanted but he subtly redirected conversation to someone else or back to her each time. So Mana fell to relying on her doctored back-story, artificial memories of an artificial childhood, navigating around topics painful to him, delicately making him associate comfortable social interaction with being with her.

She sipped at her tea. It was little more than hot water to her.

"Don't despair," she was saying to him with mock drama. "Video games are an acquired skill. You just need more practice."

"I don't know," he said, smiling in embarrassment. "Asuka says you either have the aptitude for it or you don't. But she keeps making me play…"

"You play with her a lot?" she asked.

"She gets bored around the apartment pretty easily. She has a, uh, a handheld thing. I forgot the name. But I'm not any better at that than the bigger ones. It's also kind of hard to concentrate with her peering over my shoulder, breathing down my neck."

"Maybe you'd be more comfortable if I breathed down your neck?"

He blushed. "I-I don't know about that," he mumbled.

She laughed lightly at him and propped her chin in her hand. "It's an open invitation."

"Wh-What?"

"To give you video game lessons. With or without the neck breathing part. I guess I wouldn't mind sitting beside you instead."

"Um… S-Sure. Whichever would be more comfortable for you. However you want to do it." He looked away with an embarrassed smile.

Her eyes widened in surprise. _How… bold of him._ "I'll hold you to that."

They finished their tea. The rest of the arcade had cleared out. Mana felt like they had the whole world to themselves. It did not feel bad.

/\/\/\/\

It rained. The charcoal clouds sulking over the edge of the city's mountains finally spilled over and opened. It was an angry, heavy rain that knifed the air in wide swaths.

Mana led Shinji to cover under the canopy of a tram station. They managed to avoid the onslaught, only getting misted by the opening drizzle. They stood close, alone on the platform, rubbing their arms. After two minutes of silence under the blaring rain a train slid into the station before them.

"Let's get on," Mana decided, pulling Shinji by the hand. It was still wet from the rain, but warm.

The train car was empty. Shinji sat by the door, at the end of the bench. He watched the drops of water from his clothes collect on the floor around his feet. Mana deposited herself next to him and smiled at his startled expression.

"If we're close, we'll warm up quicker," she told him.

He looked away, conceding to her logic with a dark blush.

The train lurched ahead then fell into a smooth glide along the rail as rain pelted the roof. Soon they warmed sufficiently, and sat in quiet contentment with each other.

"Sometimes it's nice to just ride, you know?" Mana said after a time, looking out the rain-streaked window. The city beyond was blurred into an unrecognizable distant mirage. "It feels like everything is far away."

"Yeah."

He wasn't just agreeing to be polite. From surveillance reports she knew he rode the rails to get away. A tiny nip of guilt bit her for the manipulation but she had to admit riding in an empty tramcar really did make the world seem to drift away into a hazy periphery.

They made small talk that Mana directed until the conductor announced they were taking a detour to avoid the stalled construction on the east side of the city. Shinji became visibly dejected.

"What's wrong?" she asked, knowing the answer. "I know being stuck with me on a train isn't the most exciting thing in the world…"

He shook his head. "That's not it. I…" His lips pursed. He searched the floor, tracing the small pool of rainwater by their shoes. "Some of the city was destroyed during the last, uh, the last battle," he finally said. "That's why there's a detour."

"Oh."

"I guess it…" He frowned. "At least no one got hurt."

But he completed the mission. That was the only priority NERV had. Mana almost laughed at his concern for human life. _So, Shinji, what is it like being a nominally better-adjusted child soldier than me?_

The mission, she reminded herself. It's all for the mission. Apparently that lesson had yet to sink in for Shinji. Collateral damage was not just something you planned for, it was something you expected. But growing up the way he did, Mana could almost grasp why Shinji seemed so preoccupied with death on the battlefield. If NERV got to him earlier in life, maybe he'd be more like her. Maybe if she calmly explained the entire situation he'd side with her willingly, without the emotional manipulation and subterfuge.

Without the fragile sense of normal he gave her.

Mana shook it off. _The mission,_ she reminded herself again. _Secure an emotional intimacy. Connect in a way no one else has._

"Is it scary being a pilot?" she asked quietly.

His face went placid and she knew she was treading in perilous territory. He never mentioned anything to do with NERV of his own volition, and when he did speak of it there was a quiet bitterness laced through his words. In what she considered might be empathy, she didn't blame him.

When Shinji finally spoke it was in a secretive, dangerous whisper.

"Well… it can be sort of…" He paused and took a breath. "It's… weird. I mean, whatever the Eva feels, _you_ feel. You feel the streets give way under your weight as you walk, you feel the recoil of a rifle when you fire it, you feel everything. Even when your arm gets…"

He stopped. He looked far past her to a memory only he could see.

"Sounds scary," Mana said softly. _Synaptic feedback and direct motor control. A double-edged sword. Trident might stand a chance if it targets vital points._ _But that AT-Field…_ "But you keep doing it. That's commendable."

Shinji murmured a soft, short breath from his throat. She wasn't sure how he was responding. He looked uncomfortable, like he was trying to shrink out of his skin.

_Enough shop talk._ Mana crept closer to him, fencing him in against the end of the bench. She felt him tense up.

"Um…"

"I've never thanked you," she said. "Even though it sounds scary being a pilot, you've helped so many people by doing it. You saved the city. You saved, well, _me_."

Shinji looked away.

"But, I mean, that's not why I'm with you, you know."

"… Why are you with me?" he asked.

She giggled at him. "Shinji, what did you think today was? Well, what it was supposed to be?"

He stared at her a moment. "We're skipping school, right?"

"So cute." Mana leaned forward in her seat, so she was looking up at him. "Today was a date, Shinji. You're on a date with me right now."

Shinji kept staring at her.

She sat back up with playful exasperation. "It's embarrassing if you make me spell it out for you." Mana sighed gently and summoned a blush. "I like you."

She sought out his hand. He was warm. He was trembling.

"I like you, not because you're a pilot, but because you're you. I like you because you're Shinji Ikari."

He looked away, blinking rapidly. His eyes were wet. His bottom lip convulsed and he bit down on it. He looked genuinely upset.

_No one's ever told you that, huh?_ Mana thought. She hid a frown. No one ever told her that, either. _Is it really such a big deal?_

She shifted in her seat towards him, bringing her free hand up to his shoulder.

"Shinji…"

He turned towards her and she leaned forward, fast enough to show her intent but slow enough to let him take initiative. Shinji startled and tried to back away, hitting his head against the rail on the seat. Mana smiled lightly, then closed the distance and kissed him.

She was trained how to seem untrained at kissing. Possessing adequate skill to avoid disappointment but clumsy enough to dispel worries she was experienced. A perfect first kiss for him.

He made a short, stifled gasping noise as their lips met, then was silent as he held his breath and jammed his eyes shut. He did not resist or pull away. He was yielding under her hands. He gave her complete control of himself and she knew he was hers.

Mana felt a fierce, desperate power over him, like she was manipulating a vehicle in another VR simulation. The control panel was before her, she knew what buttons to press and what reactions she would get.

She closed her eyes and pressed against him harder, focusing on the soft warm sensation of his lips against hers. She wanted this to be more, to mean more, to glean a sliver of what this had to mean to him. To grasp what a person should feel at this moment, not as an operative assessing an objective, but as another teenager.

Was it comfortable being this close to someone else? To let her defenses down so drastically all for the sake of not feeling so alone in the world? She knew Shinji could not hurt her physically, thus, he could not hurt her. What happened to her body was inconsequential as long as it did not hinder her mission. Her emotions were restrained by the rational application of that mission; if she approached a situation without the logic her training afforded disaster waited.

But for Shinji, for her, for two people locked in themselves by outside forces for so long, Mana could almost grasp why physical intimacy was such an intoxicating danger. It brought down barriers and touched a very private, very defenseless part behind very private, very defended personalities. For Shinji, to keep from being betrayed. For her, to keep from betraying herself. So they kissed and Mana looked for cracks in the armor.

Shinji gently applied pressure back against her. For just a moment she froze.

_He likes this,_ she realized on an emotional level beyond mission success and failure. A small warmth flickered through her. If he could relax his guard and live in the eternal moment she was giving him, why couldn't she share it with him? Mana found the crack in the armor and hacked at it mercilessly.

They finally parted with a soft shared breath. Mana cracked an eye open. His were still closed. She twined their fingers and squeezed and felt how rapid his pulse was.

Shinji opened his eyes with a flutter. He refocused, saw her staring at him with a smile, and quickly glanced away. He was red.

They rode the train together until school ended. They saw a small group of teenagers at the next stop. Mana didn't release his hand.

"Could we do this again sometime?" he asked.

"You mean kiss?" She leered at him and he blushed down to his neck.

"… I meant the date. Even… even if we only ride the train again…" He trailed off, coloring contentedly.

_Mission successful,_ Mana thought before she could stop herself. _Not now. Don't think that way right now. Think of him and think of you. You're a normal teenage couple now._

"All you have to do is ask," she said to him.

The train slid to a stop at the next terminal and people filed in. Outside the sky had cleared and the storm was moving to the outskirts of the city. The air was wet and clean.

"Did you have fun today?" she asked him, leaning close to be heard over the crowd.

"Yeah," Shinji answered.

She squeezed his hand. He did not pull away, even as a few commuters glanced their way and grinned or chuckled.

"So did I," Mana told him, and his smile grew.

Have fun.

_Normal teenagers have fun,_ Mana told herself. _And that's what we had today._

/\/\/\/\

Chapter 3 end

Author notes: Keep telling yourself that, Mana.

Mana's a spy. Gee, what a shocker, right? Come on. I needed to arbitrarily inject some "drama" into this. It's what I do.

The details of Mana and her forthcoming backstory are culled from my very limited knowledge of the Girlfriend of Steel game. Mostly the images. I still feel I'm skewing too close to source material, though. But even semi-intentional plagiarism shall not deter me!

Next time: The longest train ride ever.

OMAKE

Shinji and Mana finally ended the kiss with soft, shared breath. They drew back and she stared at him, awaiting the inevitable embarrassed blush and smile, confirmation of mission success.

Shinji's eyes fluttered open and he pursed his lips. "Yup. That settles it. I'm gay."


	4. Chapter 4

Of Steel

Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I do not own Evangelion.

/\/\/\/\

The truck was dark and smelled like oil and sweat. It was loud and shuddered over every imperfection in the road. They sat cramped together, bookended by large men with weapons. Mana hugged herself and shifted in her hard seat to try and dispel the discomfort.

They had been travelling for days, it seemed. Mana had to go to the bathroom but was too scared and angry to ask. At her side Asari stared ahead to the opposite wall of the truck, placid and tiredly accepting. Beside him Musashi scowled at the floor, silent since his last attempt to escape ended with a fist to his left temple.

The truck stopped a million years later with a lurching screech. Heavy feet sounded outside the walls, then the back door swung open on rusty hinges and angry daylight flooded in. Mana shielded her eyes but was pulled off her seat by one of the large men and dragged outside. Musashi was forced out by the other large man. Asari followed on his own.

Outside there were more large men with weapons. They were in a sprawling compound surrounded by three different fences with watch posts and security checkpoints. The kind of army facility Mana and the boys always avoided. It was too fortified, too populated. They had the best supplies, the stories went, but the same tales told of foolish children sneaking in and never coming out.

The ground was muddy and uneven. The men directed the children past bunkers and depots, vehicles and other soldiers. They walked to a low, wide warehouse, surrounded by guards.

Inside the warehouse was a large square building with a pair of thick metal doors. They parted and the men and the children stepped onto a wide platform. The doors shut behind them, the floor shuddered, and then they were descending on a service elevator. They descended for a long time under the whine of creaking gears and grinding metal. Mana almost missed the truck.

The platform stopped with startling suddenness and the doors groaned open again. The dusty warehouse was gone, replaced with a small, clean rectangular room without windows and only one door. At the door was a security booth and armed soldier.

They passed through the door to a wider room with four different hallways. They went down the second to the left and then turned right to a yet another room. Everything was white and sterile. It was unnaturally quiet.

The children were fingerprinted and photographed. Then they were separated, despite Mana's objections and Musashi's violent struggling. Asari was herded out without a word.

Mana was taken, held by her arm, to a small room with a table, a chair on either side, a long mirror on one of the walls and a security camera in a corner by the ceiling. Her escort made her sit in the chair facing the door, then took a post by the wall. The room smelled hyper-sanitary. Mana looked over her dirty clothes and skin and tried not to feel disgusting.

Two men entered the room, and her escort soldier left. One was tall, one was large. The larger man sat in the remaining chair across from her. The taller man stood by the door.

The larger man dropped a slim file on the table and opened it. He drew a pen from his shirt pocket and clicked it open. The tip hovered over a piece of paper in the file.

"Name," he asked Mana. She did not respond. "I'm asking what your name is." She did not respond.

"How old are you?" the taller man asked. Silence.

"How long have you been with those two boys?"

Still silence. The men exchanged a look.

"We've been watching you three," the larger man said, leaning forward a degree. "You've been sneaking into the southwest outpost to steal things the last four days. You're taking food from refugees and orphans."

"Don't you feel bad about that?' the taller man asked.

Mana was silent.

"You've been living in an abandoned warehouse two miles away from the outpost," the larger man continued. "Where are your families? Don't you have parents?"

Mana was silent.

"It'll go easier on your friends if you cooperate."

"… I don't have any parents," Mana relented to save her friends.

"And the two boys?"

"They don't have any parents, either."

"I see." His pen scratched out a note on the paper. "Now that you're a bit more talkative, let's try this again. What's your name?"

"… Mana Kirishima."

"Age?"

"Eight. I think." Mana shifted in her seat. "I need to pee," she finally, ashamedly told them. The pressure was unbearable.

After a moment the larger man nodded to the taller man, who left the room. A breath later the door reopened and a very pretty woman entered. She wore a long white coat and high heels that made loud clacking sounds whenever she took a step. Her lips were colored dark red.

"Hello, there," she said to Mana, smiling a too-big adult smile. "My name is Rika." She held out a manicured hand. "Come with me and I'll take you to the bathroom, okay?"

Mana got off the chair but did not take the offered hand.

They left the room. Outside the hall was mostly empty, the walls were dominated by a series of heavy windowless doors with unfathomable designations like LAB 24 ACCESS. The room Mana left was labeled INTERROGATION CELL 6.

The walls were smooth and seamless. Every door was electronically locked with a keycard slot and number pad for passcodes. Security cameras lazily scanned back and forth along the ceiling. There were guards patrolling with guns. Mana glanced behind her. The taller man from the cell was following them.

Rika led her to a restroom and entered with her. Mana quickly examined the room. There were no grates on floor level, no other exits. No places to hide or escape, just like the hallway. Even if she overpowered the woman the taller man was waiting outside with cameras and soldiers. Mana relented and peed.

She was washing her hands when Rika approached her carefully, keeping a respectable distance. She bent down and sat on her heels. She was wearing a nametag clipped to a pocket on her coat. It read Kitahara, Rika, followed by a series of inscrutable numbers and letters. There was a tiny picture of her smiling, made-up face.

"I know this might be scary," Rika said, "but you don't need to be afraid. You have a home now. You get to stay here with us. You're not alone anymore."

"Where are my friends?"

"They're here, too. You'll see them soon, I promise." The woman smiled, impossibly, wider. "They're fine, don't worry. Although I'm afraid they haven't been as helpful as you. We don't mean you any harm, I promise."

Tomorrow, she was told, she was going to see doctors who would run tests. The tests might seem strange or uncomfortable, but they were necessary. Everything that happened to her from now on in the white base was necessary, Rika said.

"We just want to make sure you're okay. Okay?"

Rika's smile never faltered.

/\/\/\/\

Mana was shuffled to an all-girls dormitory within the white base, a long room with bunks stacked along the walls. Security cameras were installed in the ceiling. There were no windows.

The other girls were all scared or depressed. Some cried, some didn't. Mana did not.

She counted twelve other girls of varying ages, prepubescent or early teens. Mana did not talk to any of them.

She slept for what seemed like a minute before doctors woke them up. Soldiers were at the door of the dormitory. They showered and Mana was given a loose shirt and pants like the other girls'. They were herded to a gigantic windowless room with a lot of strange equipment and cubicles. Mana did not see Musashi or Asari.

There were days of brain scans and MRIs and countless blood tests. There were coordination tests, exercise and careful measurements. There was tepid, bland food. There were showers.

Rika was a doctor, Mana found out. She was in charge of all the tests, and all the other doctors that administered them. There was always a group of them around her, talking and showing charts and nodding to what she told them. When Mana saw her she always smiled her too-big adult smile.

Sometimes men in uniforms with colorful medals appeared and spoke with Rika, looking out over the girls undergoing various tests. There were always soldiers posted at the exit.

Mana and the other girls did what the doctors told them because they had no choice. Some still cried. Mana did not.

Most days she carried out the tests without thinking, instead devising escape plans for her and Musashi and Asari. Most nights she dreamt about stealing a gun and shooting Rika in her smiling face.

/\/\/\/\

The girls ate three times a day in a meal hall. On the opposite side of the room there were boys wearing the same loose clothes.

Mana saw Musashi and Asari every day from across the hall. They ate by themselves, just like Mana did. Somehow, that made her glad. But they used their time more efficiently than she had. She learned they made friends with some of the older boys, who were in turn friends with some of the older girls, and they were able to pass short messages back and forth.

Musashi talked incessantly of escape. Asari wondered what the tests were for. Mana wanted to know if they were hurt.

They were okay, Asari told her. It was just like they were in some kind of bizarre boarding school.

/\/\/\/\

The children were enrolled in classes held in the training room carried out by various doctors. They taught history and science and mathematics and composition. They taught sex ed in a dry, emotionless monotone and it ceased to be disgusting or embarrassing and became just one more subject to memorize.

The children's physical exercise regiment was increased. They began combat training. First with hands and feet, then with knives and batons.

They trained with VR simulators of weapons and vehicles. They progressed to live ammunition training. They were each secluded in a bulletproof shield and fired at targets until they ran out of bullets. Then they were passed more ammunition and repeated the process. They never had the chance to aim at anything other than the targets.

The VR training became strange. They were piloting large, hovering tank-like vehicles with a wide array of weaponry, fighting humanoid robot-like vehicles with giant rifles and knives. Each robot had a long power cord they were told to aim for first.

They trained and they trained and Mana thought about escape less and less. The white base became her new reality, just like foraging for food with Musashi and Asari had been her reality before. The base was solid and unmovable and powerful and God-like. There was no alternative to obedience to this new reality, nothing she could do to change it. Just like life on the outside had been.

She never forgot there was another world above the base, the world she was born in and survived in. She accepted the base was her reality but refused to accept it was normal. Her normal was beyond the white walls, away from the stink of gunpowder and VR sim migraines and bruises from combat training. She knew it was not normal to be a weapon.

She wanted a normal she chose for herself, a life of her own making and decisions. The world conspired since her birth to force compliance to one harsh reality after another. Mana longed for a chance to create her own world and be herself free of others' expectations and desires. To, for once in her existence, choose how she would live her life.

The most she had was a relative standard, a comparison to those around her. And she knew no one around her normal, either. Her life was planned out by superior powers with no concern for her wants.

At night, Mana still often dreamt of shooting Rika in the face.

/\/\/\/\

Mana had her first period three months before she turned thirteen. She woke up with blood over her legs and bunk and she screamed before she could stop herself. The biology classes were forgotten in a moment of horror. She heard scattered whispers among some of the older girls about it before, but never paid it any real heed. Girls were weird and mean.

Rika met with her after she showered. She explained things the way the doctors always explained things, and it too ceased to be disgusting or embarrassing and became nothing but one more thing Mana had to deal with. Rika smiled the whole time.

/\/\/\/\

Mana developed. Her hips widened, her chest grew. Rika came to see her again.

"You should be very proud today," she told Mana. "We've selected you first to move to the next level of training."

Rika led her to a new room, much smaller than the testing area. There were no other girls here.

Mana met new doctors, new teachers. She was still taught the classes and training from before, but new classes and new training were added. Psychological warfare, sexual warfare. Mana learned to smile when she needed to. She learned to be interested in trivial things, and be what Rika called "girly." She learned to flirt. She learned to kiss. She learned all sorts of things she considered time-consuming and irrelevant. And then she learned what it was all for.

"We're sending you outside soon," Rika told her. "Out of the base. It's your first mission. It will be the most important thing you ever do in your life."

She would begin to train with Muasahi and Asari, high in the ranks already but pushed ahead to reunite the effective team they formed as children. And also, as Mana gleaned, as a control mechanism for each other. Cooperation meant safety, disobedience meant punishment.

She was reintroduced to the training and education programs as Project Trident, the military's top-secret mobile weapon branch. The Trident was the culmination of the army's combined resources since the advent of NERV.

Mana watched schematics and stats scroll over a wide monitor that dominated the far wall. Her obvious question, of why such a massive war machine had to be operated by a child like her, was answered before she could ask.

The monitor blinked out and relit, displaying a boy near her age, along with medical history, physical statistics, personal history, relatives and current location.

"This is your target."

That was the first time she ever heard the name Shinji Ikari.

/\/\/\/\

"Goodbye, Mana," Rika said. Her smile wasn't as wide. It almost looked genuine.

Mana did not smile back. "Goodbye."

/\/\/\/\

Mana saw the sun for the first time in five years. It was duller than she remembered.

The air stank of machines and oil and people but it wasn't the filtered atmosphere of the white base. It was so fresh and unfamiliar Mana almost threw up.

The army complex above the Trident facility changed dramatically since she last saw it. The warehouse was now armored and filled with technological wonder. Outside the ground was paved and landscaped. A long, wide tarmac sat in the distance, with rows of jets and cargo planes. The fences were higher and thicker. Everything was cleaner and neater, even the soldiers. Mana did not look back as she left.

She traveled by truck again, over a bumpy and unsure road, to a military outpost in Matsushiro. There she trained again, acclimating to the outside world, putting her skills to practical use, enrolling in a local middle school as practice for her target. She met her mission handler, Hiroshi. Mana could barely differentiate him from the rest of the adults.

The army determined she was ready, offering soft praise for her ability to adapt. That was all she ever did: adapt to the situation and survive. Being a child spy had become almost no different than being a homeless orphan. Except now she was commended for her abnormality. Idly, she wondered how many military units she could eliminate with the Trident before they stopped her.

She and Hiroshi were ordered to begin the mission in earnest. The army gave them a small, unremarkable sedan and they moved from their small, unremarkable house. They left Matsushiro without fanfare or farewells.

Mana looked out the window the entire trip. She could not see the sun behind a thick blanket of dirty clouds. Eventually they crested a series of hills that opened into a wide basin filled with glittering white skyscrapers. Surrounding them were business districts and residential blocks, small and bowed next to the towers, like supplicant worshippers before looming gods.

Now entering Tokyo-3, Mana read on a sign that flashed by outside her window. Hiroshi eased onto the freeway into the city. He spoke without looking at her.

"We're here."

/\/\/\/\

Mana groaned and rubbed her eyes. "Mmm?"

"We're here," someone repeated. "We're near the industrial district. You live around here, right?"

She snapped awake. She was on the truck again, jostling and jumping over the ruined dirt roads towards reprogramming and destruction of what was left of her innocence. The guard beside her was smaller than usual, almost smaller than she was but he wasn't armed.

She slid back from him and focused on his face. He was young, just a little older than her. Maybe he was another orphan soldier. He hesitantly brought a hand up to touch her and she snapped an arm up to block. He stopped before contact and they stayed frozen next to each other for a long moment.

The truck slid to a stop, quieter and smoother than she recalled, and the boy spoke in a tense whisper.

"Mana…?"

How did he know her name? Did they make Asari or Musashi talk?

She glanced about quickly to find an escape route. The truck was cleaner now. It still smelled of sweat and mechanization but it was lessened, not as intrusive. There were windows displaying a strange shining city with towering pillars of glass and steel.

"Mana," the boy said again. He was talking slowly. "What's wrong?"

She knew this boy. She knew his picture, his psych evaluations and history. She knew him. Recognition crept over his face and spread like spilled water over the rest of the world.

_Shinji Ikari,_ she thought in a mild panic. _I'm with Shinji Ikari in Tokyo-3 in 2015. I am on a date with Shinji Ikari in Tokyo-3 in 2015. I am not at the Trident facility. I am not there anymore._

"Oh…" Mana forced a smile on her face. "No, I'm fine. Just, ah, just got a little lost for a second."

Shinji stared at her, brow drawn down. His hand slowly lowered. Hers stayed up.

"Sorry," she apologized. "I usually don't, don't just fall asleep like that. Heh, I was up real late last night. I had trouble calming down after that great dinner." She ran her raised hand through her hair. It came away wet with perspiration. _I'm fourteen years old. I am on a mission. What's wrong with me?_

He relaxed and then so did she. Mana blew out an exaggerated breath.

"Phew! Ever have that happen to you?" she asked. "Not quite sure if you're asleep or awake?"

"A couple times."

"Not very pleasant. Didn't mean to freak you out."

"Forget about that," Shinji said, still a touch hesitant. "But, you are okay, right?"

"Yeah, yeah." She waved away his concern and grinned. "I'm fine now." Mana stood on unsteady feet. She needed to get out into an open space. "Come on; it stopped raining. Let's go."

Shinji rose with her and followed her off the train with a few late departures. They stood on the depot platform, taking in the wet air.

"You could have woken me up," Mana told him.

"You looked exhausted," he said. "And …well, you looked really cute when you were sleeping." He forced the words out.

She stared at him in shocked amusement. "Oh, ho. I didn't know you were into that kind of thing."

"Wh-What? N-No, I mean—"

"And you think I'm only cute when I'm asleep? This might present some serious problems."

Shinji looked ready to die. "No! I… You always…" His sight fell to the ground. "You always look… cute."

"I'm relieved to hear that. Now I know we make a cute couple." Mana leered at him. "Now I just have to see if you're still cute when _you're_ asleep." She laughed as he blushed harder.

She glanced at the train as it pulled out from the station and saw Musashi and Asari's childhood faces flash in the window of their car. She blinked and they were gone. The train sped away along the rail.

Mana took Shinji's hand in hers. "Come on," she said to him with a smile. "Let's go eat. You still owe me that meal, remember?"

He smiled back and they left the train station holding hands, walking together on the wet street. She held him tightly, unwilling to let go.

/\/\/\/\

Chapter 4 end

Author notes: Oh, Shinji. You and your uncontrollable lust for unconscious girls.

We're approaching the end of this fic. To any masochists hoping for a dozen or more chapters: Sorry. If I repeat myself _too_ much, it'll weaken the story even more.

Next time: More teenage shenanigans! Dueling bedrooms! Is Pen Pen tsundere? Asuka defends her title as "the angry one"! And I continue to neglect Rei in this story!

OMAKE

"We're here."

The truck stopped with a lurching screech and the back doors swung open with a whine of metal. Mana, Asari and Musashi looked out and gasped as one.

Mana was the first to regain her voice. "Disneyland!" she cried in joy. "We're at Disneyland!"

"No way!"

"How unexpectedly pleasant."

"That's right, kids," the army officer told them with a wide smile. "Disneyland! Starting today, this will be your new home."

"Hooray!"

The children scampered out of the truck, running with gleeful abandon towards their new life of fantasy and fun. Ahead of them at the gates, Mickey and Donald waited for them with open arms. They met with an explosion of hugs, laughter and tears.

Then the shackles came out.

"… Wh-What?" Mana asked in blank shock as her wrists were bound. "What's going on? Mickey?" She looked up for answers from his smiling face.

"Ho-ho!" the giant mouse laughed. "You'll be living here, all right, but as child laborers!"

"That's right," Donald lisped. "The army and us have an understanding. They supply the orphaned children no one loves and they get free access to all the rides."

Behind them the entire brigade was skipping merrily to the log flume.

"No!" Mana wailed in despair.

Musashi struggled and was knocked unconscious by Donald. Asari bore his fate with stoic dignity. Mana wept silent tears.

Mickey paused as he pulled them ruthlessly into the park's dark underbelly. "None of you are Jews, right?"


	5. Chapter 5

Of Steel

Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I do not own Evangelion.

/\/\/\/\

The screen flickered to black and the lights came on. Mana and Shinji rose from their seats and shuffled out of the theater with the other patrons. The movie was forgettable light romance masquerading as sci-fi. She overheard him talking about it with his friends and he seemed mildly interested in the prospect of seeing it. She realized now he was just being polite to Aida.

_Maybe it was a bit too familiar,_ she thought, remembering the film's mecha pilot hero fighting off monsters and saving damsels in distress. Not that Shinji would ever admit to being a mecha pilot hero. And not that Mana was a damsel in distress. But for the purposes of the roles they were playing out, it fit.

They left the theater and walked together into the blaring afternoon sun. School was out and the shopping arcade was packed. Mana insisted on a public outing, explaining she wanted to show off her boyfriend. "Arm candy" she called him. Shinji found it appropriate, in a sense: she hadn't let his arm go since they left school.

"The movie was… interesting," Mana remarked as they stood together under the theater marquee.

"Uh, yeah."

"… I didn't really like it," she admitted.

Shinji blew out a relieved breath. "Me neither."

"Something about watching giant monsters destroy a city… Hits a little too close to home, you know?"

"I know."

The crowd flowed around them. Shinji watched it pass, his face red at nothing more than showing affection to his girlfriend in public. A few older pedestrians walked by, frowning at the display. Shinji wilted. Mana decided on a smaller venue; he had performed admirably in the crowd so far and deserved a reward.

"Well," she began, "the movie wasn't _all_ bad. The music was pretty good. I loved that part at the end, with all the deep-sounding strings. That was awesome." She glanced at him. "Do you know what kind of instrument it was?"

"Cellos, I think."

"I'd love to be able to play something like that. Or at least hear one up close." Mana waited for him patiently.

"I, ah… I actually kind of play a cello," Shinji finally told her.

"Really?" she gushed. "No way! That is _so_ cool! Why didn't you tell me earlier? You have to let me hear it!"

He colored darker. "I've never played for anyone except my old teacher."

"Then I'd consider it an honor."

She had to be careful about how hard to push. He seemed receptive to positive reinforcement, facilitating his retraining as her loyal boyfriend. Admitting he played the cello was just one more secret she shared with him, increasing the distance between him and the other people in his life. Soryu, Katsuragi, his friends and the rest were gradually becoming strangers.

Mana tugged him in the direction of the train station and after a few resistant steps he followed without a struggle. They were on the boarding platform, waiting for the train to arrive, when he spoke again.

"Ms. Misato's working today," he offered, sounding mildly troubled. "And Asuka's staying with Ms. Horaki tonight."

"Ooh, so we'll be alone, huh? Like we're playing house."

Shinji cleared his throat as the train slid into view. "Are you okay with that? Just the two of us?"

"We're alone together right now," she told him.

He looked around the crowded platform. "… Right."

It was a quick train ride from the shopping arcade to the residential block. The sun was reluctant to set, reaching between the towering monoliths of the city proper. Shinji led Mana, still clutching his arm, up to his apartment. He announced their arrival by habit and they slipped off their shoes.

"Do you want anything?" he asked her, heading into the kitchen.

"Nah. I'm still full from the bento you gave me at lunch. Which was quite tasty, by the way."

Shinji had taken to, after some generous hinting from Mana, making her lunch so she could avoid the cafeteria's fare. It saved her money, was less of a hassle, and drew him closer to her. It was also an excellent opportunity to play the grateful, indebted girlfriend.

"I'm spiraling into ever deepening debt to you." She offered a coy smile. "However will I settle it?"

"Don't worry about it," Shinji said, waving it away, oblivious to her intent. "I'm happy to do it."

Mana hid a frown. He was still dense to flirting unless she was overt. She thought he'd pick up on it by now. When wasn't she flirting?

The bathroom door slid open. Pen Pen wobbled out, paused to look at them and cocked his head.

"Hey, Pen Pen!" Mana said sweetly, again offering a hand to the bird.

He lazily observed her, then continued across the kitchen to his refrigerator. Mana retracted her hand and held it.

"Ah, don't worry about him," Shinji flustered. "He doesn't warm up to people real easily. I'll have you feed him next time. Then he'll never leave you alone."

Animal instincts, she idly mused. They could tell when someone was being insincere, right? Maybe the penguin just didn't like people who tried too hard. She was glad Shinji didn't seem to mind.

"So, about that cello," she gently prompted him. "I'd love to hear it."

"Oh, right," he said, like he forgot. "I'll go get it."

"Great. Which way to your room?"

Shinji blushed. "Oh, uh, no. I mean, it's kind of cramped in there as it is—"

"I don't mind being close to you."

He backed away from her, holding a hand up before him. "No, really. It's okay. I'll just be a minute."

Mana knew how to pick her battles; she'd see his room eventually. She issued a thwarted sigh. "Alright."

He disappeared behind a door with a plaque reading Shin-chan's Room. She wondered if she should pick out a nickname for him. Something no one else called him to further cement her hold. Something simple, to casually drop in conversation to display ownership. "My Shinji" perhaps. A pet name only she could have access to.

He reappeared lugging his covered cello and a music stand. He grabbed a chair from the kitchen and set up in the living room by the balcony. Mana followed closely and sat before him when he was ready.

Shinji gave her a nervous smile and cleared his throat. "Well… Here I go." He focused on the sheet music and drew the bow back to begin.

Mana never cared about music, even before the military found and remade her. Musashi knew a lot of songs somehow and would often recite them as they walked over the ruined country or after a rare meal. Asari always wore a small smile during the songs, but Mana was indifferent. It was, at its best, a decent way to forget time, and at its worst an annoyance from a loud boy. At least Shinji's instrument was subdued and low. It didn't require an effort to endure.

Bach, she identified as he played. She couldn't pick out the exact piece. She thought it sounded relaxed but optimistic. Uncharacteristic for him. A good change of pace. She was privy to most of the music he knew and imagined he usually practiced alone, choosing gloomy songs that accentuated his morose anxiety, yet felt familiar. Mana guessed there was a comfort to be gleaned from something he knew well, something deep-rooted and habitual.

Which was how he played. Long practiced sweeps of the bow, his fingers working the neck with almost mechanical precision. None of it looked organic. He wasn't playing for pleasure, she realized. He was doing it because he was told to, ordered to. And for just a moment Mana thought they might one day understand each other.

Shinji finished the piece and took a long breath. He tilted the cello to the side to gain an unobstructed view of Mana, awaiting judgment.

"That was really pretty," she told him, careful not to be overly enthusiastic. "What was it called?"

"'Sleepers, Awake,'" he replied. He fumbled with his bow. "I'm still practicing it so it's not very good."

"I don't know about that," Mana said. "I mean, I'm really dense about classical music, but it's a true talent to be able to play an instrument. The cello looks tough."

"It just takes practice," Shinji said, blushing at the praise.

"Could you teach me?" she asked, getting to her feet and moving closer to him. "Just a little?"

"I've never taught anyone…"

"I'm not expecting to turn into a virtuoso overnight or anything. I just want to know what it's like to have your kind of talent. Honestly, I'm a little jealous of you. It's like you can do anything."

Which wasn't simply Mana attending to his anemic ego. She admired his freedom and ability to choose how he defined himself, even within the confines of his responsibilities and obligations. He was who he was because he decided it.

She watched his face scrunch in embarrassment as he tried to politely deny her accusations of greatness. Then he tried to compliment her artificial affability. Mana supposed another girl might be disappointed with the vagueness of his praise, but she hadn't given him much beyond her devotion.

Mana let him see an embarrassed smile. "Stop it," she said without meaning it, playing on his expectations of a teenage girl. "I can't do any of the stuff you can. But I want to. I want to know more about you." She hesitantly reached out to touch the cello's body. "I want to know what you know."

Shinji stared up at her in wonder. Sometimes it was too easy.

"Okay…" He made to get out of the chair. "I can show you a few basic—"

"Wait." She acted on a sudden impulse. "Just… Here." She lifted his arm holding the bow and positioned herself oddly.

"Mana?"

She ducked under the arm. She sat on his lap and he froze.

"There," she said, getting comfortable.

Shinji remembered to breathe. "Ah… Mana… This is sort of…"

"I'm ready, Mr. Ikari. Teach me. I am your naïve student, yearning for your expert guidance." _And look; I'm already in a schoolgirl uniform._

She leaned back and settled against him. She could feel his uncertain breath play on her neck and the rapid patter of his heart. The hand gripping the cello was white.

"Come on," she said, gently resting her hands over his. "Show me what to do."

Maybe she was overplaying things. She was exposed to enough teenage media to know a girl getting turned on by a musician was cliché but she doubted Shinji was able to form the coherence necessary to connect the dots.

Flirting was one thing but actual physicality seemed to worry him. Rejection and uncertainty must be closely tied to it for him. And it must cement the excitement and danger of being close to someone, emotionally. If she wasn't actively pushing he'd probably never even hold her hand.

Just as well. She wanted the initiative. She wanted the control. She wanted to shape what their normal was, and for the first time in her life, what her normal was. Keeping him off-balance and unsure facilitated that desire, while still fulfilling the mission.

Mana lightly rubbed her hand over his on the cello's neck. "I'm ready."

Slowly his hands repositioned themselves. His face entered her peripheral vision as he craned to see the strings. He was intensely serious.

They played a scratchy note together. Mana forced her wrist to go limp and let him direct her movements. After a few shaky passes they began playing smoother notes, producing a simple melody without variation or complexity.

He was trying to narrate what they were doing, how they were playing, and what needed to be done and when. He was speaking right by her ear; his voice was soft and shaky. He showed an admirable attempt at focusing on the music and not her body pressed against his.

The formless notes they played became one of Bach's cello suites, done at a very slow pace. Mana concentrated on the sensation of his yielding hands under hers and the low vibration of the cello, contrasted with the manic thump of his heart.

He was warmer than she expected. This was as close to an actual embrace they had been and Mana surprised herself by not minding. She knew this kind of physicality was inevitable since she was pushing for it, and he wasn't explicitly telling her to stop. She lightly slid her forearm against his and was met with a wave of goose bumps. She smiled.

She lost track of time. The bow sawed back and forth in a comfortable rhythm. Gradually the low hum of the cello turned lighter and Mana heard Musashi's voice, hard and sure, singing over the calm crackle of a campfire. Asari had his eyes closed, nodding in time to the melody.

_Not now, guys,_ Mana thought, getting lightheaded. _Don't drag me back there anymore. I don't want to go._

Her clothes were heavy with dirt and grime. The scent of burnt food hung in the air. The small warmth of the fire snapped at her on a cold night.

_Please._

Musashi stopped singing. Asari opened his eyes. They looked at her with expressions she could not place. Guarded, but kind and understanding. They always treated her different because she was a girl, never letting her in completely. Like gender alone made her weaker or more delicate. Didn't they know by now? She was a fighter.

"Mana…?"

She looked up with bleary eyes. She was molded against Shinji. Her hands had fallen from the cello.

_I'm not going back,_ she thought.

She pressed her lips to the side of his mouth, once, twice. She shifted against him, turning sideways, and kissed him fully. One hand found his cheek, the other hung lazily on the top button of his shirt. His arms were around her, still gripping the cello.

Mana pried open one eye as she sensed someone. Asuka stood in the hallway watching them. Her expression was mannequin-blank. Mana did not stop kissing Shinji.

At length she had to pull away for air, drawing back only far enough to breathe unobstructed. She lightly pressed her forehead against his.

"Practicing is fun," she told him. She tugged on his collar. "Do you want to show me your room, now?"

He opened his mouth to answer then stopped as he glanced towards the hallway. All color drained from his face. His eyes went wide and afraid.

"Asuka!" He tried to jump away but was firmly trapped by Mana and his cello. Neither showed any sign of budging. "I… I-I thought you said you were going to Horaki's today. I didn't know you were here."

"Obviously." She didn't sound upset or angry. Her voice was dead neutral. She observed him clinically, a specimen under a microscope. "Did we run out of chairs?"

"No," Shinji blurted. "We were… We were… practicing the cello." He shrank in his seat. He looked ashamed.

"I didn't know you played. You've been keeping secrets."

"This is so embarrassing," Mana said after a moment, making no move to get off Shinji. "You stumbling onto us like this. I can't imagine what you must think."

"I think you can." Asuka shifted her attention back to Shinji. "Do you want me to leave?"

He looked like the world split open and was about to swallow him. "This is… This is your home, too, so… I mean…"

Both girls waited.

"It's getting late," Shinji finally said, quietly. Outside the balcony window the sky was deep orange sinking into night. Scattered city lights were blinking to life. "I… I should start dinner." He could not meet Mana's eyes. "Your dad must be getting worried."

Her hands left him, she rose from his lap. "If you say so." She glanced at Asuka. She still held the same, impassive face.

Shinji led Mana to the front hall. She wordlessly slipped into her shoes. Shinji fidgeted.

"I can walk you to the tram—"

"Don't bother." They both looked surprised at how harsh that came out. She quickly smiled at him. "I mean, don't worry about it. It's not that far. And if you do come with me, I might not let you go." She winked at him. It seemed to put his mind at ease.

"Okay…"

"I'll call you later. To let you know I got back, alright?"

"Alright," he said.

Mana hesitated as the door opened. She darted back and gave him one last, lingering kiss. Something to make him remember her while he was alone all night with Asuka.

She pulled back from his red, bewildered face. "Sweet dreams, my Shinji."

The door slid shut.

/\/\/\/\

The pilots were absent from school. Shinji informed her when she called last night, citing some kind of last-minute test at NERV. He was evasive when she asked for details. She wondered what kind of secrecy measures were drilled into him by his superiors. She'd needle the details out of him later, when she could touch him.

Mana headed to school alone. A few girls made tentative approaches for friendship early on but after it was clear she preferred to spend her time with Shinji they lost interest. She was now a figure of gentle mockery among the female student body. "Man-eater Mana" they called her. Shinji was ignorant of it and she wanted to keep it that way. He was embarrassed enough regarding their relationship.

She spotted Kensuke and Toji by the main gate, dragging themselves onto the school grounds. They saw her approach and adopted affectedly polite smiles.

"Hey, guys," she greeted with a wave.

"Oh, hey."

"Shinji has something at NERV today. He doesn't know when he'll be in. He said sometime after lunch, maybe."

"Figured as much." Toji paused. "Uh, thanks for telling us."

"Sure," Mana said. "We were up talking on the phone for awhile last night, so he probably didn't have a chance to call you." She grinned. "I lose track of time when I'm with my boyfriend."

There was a heavy pause.

"So…" Toji began slowly, "You two are officially a couple now, huh? Um… Neat."

"Yeah," Kensuke agreed. "It's certainly… an event."

"Thanks for the enthusiastic endorsement. Shinji and I appreciate it."

"No, we…" Toji frowned, putting his thoughts in order. "We're glad you two are, ah, happy. Right?"

"Of course we're happy," Mana said.

"Good, good. That's what's important."

"Yes. We're happy that you two are happy. Right?"

"Right."

Mana smiled. "I'm not stealing him away from you guys."

"Say what now?"

"Look, I'm not going to dictate how he spends his time. You'll still see him, just maybe not as often. Or with me in tow. I don't plan on being _that_ girlfriend, all controlling and manipulative. I mean, you two don't seem like a _completely_ terrible influence on him." She gave them a playful smile to let them know she was teasing.

"You don't know us very well."

"Is that a veiled way of saying I don't know Shinji very well?"

"No, no," Toji said quickly, holding up a hand. "He meant you don't know us as well as Shinji. Right?" He elbowed Kensuke in the side.

"Yeah." He offered a self-effacing smile. "Regardless, I guess you and Shinji were inevitable. Just a matter of time. No offense, but you've kind of been attached at the hip."

So they didn't approve, Mana thought. It would be nice to have them in her corner, or at the very least neutral, but they weren't actively trying to sabotage things. If they did, it would be a simple matter to draw Shinji away from them. And then destroy them socially.

Toji coughed awkwardly as they reached their shoe lockers. "Ah, I think he just means that you two seem awfully serious." He tried to laugh. "What am I talking about? Shinji skipped school for you. Of course he's serious."

"I'm glad. I'm serious, too."

"Shinji tends to take everything serious. Again, no offense. I just don't want you to get the wrong idea, or invest more into this than you should. Not that I think he's playing around with you, just, you know, he hasn't said much to us."

Mana stared at them. "Oh." She hummed in thought. "So he _didn't_ tell you guys we kissed…?"

"_What?"_ Kensuke blurted, trying not to blush. "You two _kissed?_"

"This is…!" Toji grasped at the air. "Why wouldn't he tell us? We're his best friends!"

"Maybe he was embarrassed?" she offered.

"Bull! This is huge! He totally should have told us!" Any sense of impropriety for demanding intimate details in front of Mana was absent.

"There will be a penalty for this breach of friendship," Kensuke intoned ominously.

Mana scrunched her brow, trying to comprehend the boys. Did all teenagers give such exaggerated reactions to something as simple as a kiss? Was this some hidden aspect of teen life the military failed to teach her about?

Maybe she was simply being too forward with Shinji for their liking? Was she not submissive enough? Did she stray too far from the male's ideal _nadeshiko?_

She wondered if Shinji would respond to that kind of girl. The military certainly didn't think so. Or if he did, the courtship would take too long. In a way, Mana realized she really was acting submissive with him, doing whatever she thought he wanted without argument or hesitation. Aggressively subservient. She wondered what Shinji would do if she called him master.

Mana shrugged it all away. She knew she wouldn't be winning any commendations from Tokyo-3's feminists. The military didn't condone self-respect.

"Shinji's the first one to kiss a girl," Toji continued, shaking his head. "Who'd believe it?"

"I think it's very believable," Mana teased.

He gave her a leisurely glare. "Ha ha. I just mean he never talked about, you know, girls before."

"Good. He shouldn't be talking about other girls."

"Not what I meant."

Mana issued a dismissive hum. She was already making plans to ditch class and surprise Shinji as close to NERV as she could get. Do some recon on the facility's entryways while simultaneously reinforcing her hold on him with a spontaneous act of affection. It was a mild risk, surprising him at work, but she felt confident she could pull it off.

There was the added benefit of walking into school with him after an unexplained absence. An effective way to remind everyone who he belonged to.

She glanced at Toji and Kensuke as the boys entered the classroom. They wore weary resignation, the encroachment of unwanted acceptance.

They're not bad guys, Mana realized. They were just worried about their friend and the girl chasing him like a shadow. It occurred to her to try and be nicer to them.

"Hey," she called after them. They stopped and looked back. "I wanted to say, um, thanks. It really does mean a lot to me and Shinji if you're okay with us being together. And I'd like for us to get along. Even if you only tolerate me."

"Don't take any of it personal," Toji soothed. "We're just in unfamiliar territory. I guess, yeah, we should try to get along, right?" He nodded sagely to himself. "That's the right thing to do."

"How grown-up of you."

They walked to their seats. Kensuke lingered by her a moment.

"You really like Shinji, don't you?" he asked.

"Well, yeah. Of course I do." Mana smiled. "He's special to me."

/\/\/\/\

Mana walked through town at a quick pace, determined to catch Shinji before he headed back to school. She checked her watch. Lunch period was just ending. She briefly wondered if anyone would care that she wasn't present.

She abruptly stopped before a clothing boutique, peering at a short skirt and blouse combo. In the window's reflection she caught the black suit duck into an alley across the street a block back.

_Sloppy._

A Section agent, she thought. Probably on Katsuragi's orders. She was sure the Captain already checked her back-story but she was confident the military covered its tracks. It wouldn't do for the public to know they were training children.

Then again, would they really care? Tokyo-3, at least, seemed fine with NERV's child brigade. Mana knew age was of less importance after the Impact. Age of consent laws were loosened, cultural acceptance of younger partners spread. The world needed repopulating, kids. Get to it.

Mana turned from the boutique and continued towards her mission objective. There were no children left in the world.

/\/\/\/\

The tram slid to a halt before her. The doors parted. Mana waved as Shinji came into view, stepping onto the receiving platform. He looked exhausted.

"Hi!" she called out to him, rising from her post at a bench by the wall. She jogged over and waited as he passed the security checkpoint.

"Mana?" He glanced around quickly. "I… What are you doing here? School's still in session."

"I skipped out during lunch. We'll probably make it back in time for last period." She squinted at him. "And is that any way to greet your girlfriend? I'm here to see you, you know."

Shinji stared at her a moment, then realized he was supposed to be grateful. "Sorry. Thanks for coming all the way out here. It was a nice surprise."

He offered a contrite smile and she accepted it. Mana leaned up and gave him a quick peck on the cheek. His entire face was red by the time she drew back.

"Good thing Misato isn't here," Asuka said, stepping out of the tram behind Shinji. "She'd never let you live that down. She'd go on and on about how you two are moving too fast and how good girls don't do that kind of thing in public."

"We're not really in public," Shinji mumbled weakly.

"So, Ms. Katsuragi and Ayanami aren't with you?" Mana asked, focusing on Shinji.

"Ms. Misato said she had a lot of work to do, and Ayanami, ah, sometimes she has to stay later for extra tests or something." His voice dropped to a whisper. "I don't think her health is that great."

"But she's okay to pilot?"

Shinji's face scrunched in internal debate. "Well… If Ms. Ritsuko and Ms. Misato say so… I mean, any health problems never bothered her in battle." He looked to Asuka for backup. She did not look back.

While Mana fully expected the JSSDF to have moles within NERV, a lot of the operations, functionality and tests regarding the Evangelion units remained unknown. Part of her mission was to obtain information on them and the other pilots. It would be secondhand knowledge unless she somehow gained entry into NERV proper but she wasn't holding her breath on that. While she could see Shinji inviting her in with some gentle persuasion, she doubted his superiors would allow it.

"So, what did you do today?" she asked to shift the conversation.

"Nothing unusual," Asuka stepped in casually. "Just some tests and VR battle drills. Hand-to-hand, knives. That sort of thing. Of course, I'm already trained in combat outside an Eva. Days like today are nothing but a refresher."

Shinji tried not to stare in alarm. Mana kept smiling.

"Wow," she enthused. "Sounds impressive." She hugged Shinji's arm. "Sorry. You're stuck with a real uncoordinated girl. I can barely use chopsticks."

He tried to laugh and wound up coughing.

"You seem capable enough," Asuka intoned.

They left NERV premises and worked their way towards the school. Asuka entered the train at the depot first. Shinji hesitated, then hurried ahead of Mana, paying her fare. She was dully shocked. He was getting bold. She'd have to watch that.

They sat and the train lurched to a start. Mana latched onto Shinji's arm again. Asuka sat across from them. They rode in silence.

_Capable?_ Mana thought.

She hugged Shinji's arm tighter, forcing his bicep between her breasts. He panicked. Asuka stared impassively.

_You have no clue._

/\/\/\/\

Last period was almost done by the time they reached the school. Shinji openly fretted Mana might get in trouble for her unexcused absence. She shrugged and decided to take the rest of the day off. He tried to reason with her that was worse.

"He's right; you should go on ahead," Asuka told her in a mild tone. "I need to talk to Shinji. NERV stuff." Like that was both explanation and apology.

"Why didn't you tell me before?"

She turned on him slowly. "Because I didn't." She glanced back at Mana. "You understand, right? I'm sure you can spare him for a few minutes." She began dragging Shinji away without waiting for compliance. He stumbled after her.

_Come on, Shinji,_ she thought. _Tell her no. Tell her I'm more important this time._

"Sorry," he told Mana as he was pulled down the hall behind a corner. "If it's NERV stuff, then…"

Mana watched him go with a placid face. "Sure."

She waited a moment, then silently skimmed along the wall to the corner they disappeared behind. She dropped low and peered around the edge.

Shinji and Asuka were standing close together, glaring at each other. She was making gestures as she spoke, swiping her hands close to his body and face. He flinched at the near contact.

Mana could only make out pieces of the dialogue, whenever their voices broke over the combative whisper they were engaged in.

Shinji was doing his best to meet her gaze. "… not… down…"

Asuka stabbed a finger at him. "… liability… clingy, manipulative little… _using_ you…"

"… it… her like that…"

"… blind. Absolutely blind not to…"

"… happy… could act like it," he said.

"I am _not_ your friend," she spat out.

That took them both aback. Shinji looked like she punched him. Asuka flinched backwards a step. They were both silent. Finally he opened his mouth to speak.

"Shut up," Asuka told him in a normal voice. "Leave me alone." She turned and fled down the hall.

Shinji took three steps after her, stopped, and stared at the ground. His fist was a white mass at his side.

His shoulders lost their tension and then his entire body slumped. He turned around and started down the hall, away from Asuka's departure. Mana ducked back behind the corner and pulled out her phone, quickly sending a message to Hiroshi to vacate the apartment. Shinji crested the hallway as she was tucking the phone away. He saw her and startled to a stop.

"Hey," she greeted with subdued enthusiasm. "Where's Soryu?"

"She had, uh, she had to take care of something."

She observed his demeanor. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing." He did his best to smile and failed. "I just… It's just been a long day."

On a subtle emotional level it irked her how much sway Asuka still held over Shinji's mood and actions. He should know where his priorities were by now.

The bell ending school rang. Shinji sighed miserably.

"You're definitely going to get in trouble tomorrow," he lamented. "The pilots have some leeway, but you've skipped twice in such a short time. And right after you transferred in."

Mana smiled at his anxiety. "You're sweet to worry over me. But I'll be fine. So I'll hold buckets or whatever. Not a big deal. Besides, it was worth it." The smile turned impish. "I got to see you."

Other students started to crowd the hallway. Mana led him towards the exit. They were forced to deal with enough people for the day. It was their time now.

She took his hand. "Let's go."

/\/\/\/\

"What do you feel like doing?" Shinji asked her as they exited the school's front gate, hand-in-hand.

Mana benefited from the limited autonomy the military gave her in carrying out her mission, but the freedom Shinji willingly handed her was exhilarating. For the first time in her life she had real power over what she did, even if it was within the confines of her duty. She wasn't reacting to people or events with him; she was in charge. She controlled the pace and intensity. Even if it did stem from Shinji's insecurity and indecisiveness, to her it felt like true independence.

Mana tapped a finger on her lower lip in mock thought. "Hmm. How about… we go to my place? You've never been there before."

"I don't want to intrude…"

"Nonsense. I want you there. And I think it'll afford a bit more privacy than some of the other places we've visited lately."

_That's right,_ she thought. _Let's push all those other people out of your head. Forget all about Soryu and Ayanami and Katsuragi and your friends. You don't need them anymore. I'll make you happy and you'll make me normal._

"… If you want to," Shinji relented.

"I do."

They walked to the nearest train depot and boarded among a cluster of other students. It was crowded on the train; they stood near the door, holding onto the rail. Mana didn't wait for Shinji to fumble with small talk this time before she started a conversation. He let her take the lead and looked relieved.

They disembarked after a quick ride and the crowd thinned to a trickle as they neared her house. Shinji was on guard. They ascended the narrow front steps and Mana swiped her keycard.

"We're home," she called out as they stepped inside.

The front hall was empty; no shoes except their own. The rest of the house was dark. Mana led him into the kitchen and found a note taped to the refrigerator.

"Oh," she murmured, doing her best to sound mildly disappointed. "Dad got called in to work. He won't be back until late." Mana sighed in resignation. "Too bad. He's wanted to meet you. I mean, his only daughter's first boyfriend is kind of a big deal."

"Oh?"

She laughed at how terrified he sounded. "Relax. He can be hard to get to know, but really, he's just a big teddy bear. Don't be scared off by his droopy demeanor."

Shinji nodded, trying to muster what social courage he had access to. "Next time, then."

Mana observed him fidgeting at the kitchen's threshold. "Why so nervous?" she asked with a playful grin, poking him in the arm.

He jumped. "N-No reason."

_No reason, he says,_ she thought. _Just the last time we were alone like this…_ Mana grinned. _Time to practice again._

Time to push any lingering thoughts of Asuka out. Mana had to make him see her first, think of her first, find normal with her before anyone else.

"Let's go to my room," she said, and grabbed his hand before he could refuse. She pulled him down the hall past the kitchen to a door with "Mana-chan" printed on a plaque shaped like a cat. She felt him resist at the threshold. "What's wrong?"

"I… I've never been in a girl's room before."

"I don't believe that for a second. You told me you clean up after Ms. Katsuragi and Soryu all the time."

"Well, yeah, but…" Shinji looked pained. "They've never _invited_ me in."

"So you sneak in?" she asked, amused.

"No! They…" He frowned as he realized she was teasing him. "They tell me to do the laundry, but they never collect it, so it's implied I have to, you know, go into their rooms to get it."

"I'm not sure how I feel about my boyfriend going into other girls' rooms," Mana said. "And touching their unmentionables. If I didn't trust you I'd think all sorts of things."

"I'm not like that!"

"Relax, relax. I said I trust you." She adopted a serious demeanor. "So now, I officially invite you into my room." She opened the door.

Since their first date the military produced a detailed assessment to furnish her room. There was a TV and game console, two small shelves of books, posters of popular bands and movies. A personal stereo sat among a series of haphazardly laid CDs, carefully mixing his tastes with related genres. Her bureau was now littered with makeup and random trinkets. A large vanity mirror sat over it with postcards and pictures taped to the frame. The walls were painted a soft pastel purple. White curtains shuttered the window.

_Girly, exotic, yet inviting,_ Mana recalled from the assessment. Something that would intrigue and excite without causing too much anxiety. Of course, her behavior was ultimately the deciding factor.

She ushered him inside and he nearly tripped. Magazines and clothes littered the floor. A private character trait he was supposed to find cute and endearing.

"Uh, sorry!" Mana flustered, hurrying to scoop everything up. "I'm usually not this messy, I swear."

"Do you want help?"

"No!" She waved her hands in front of her, conveniently showing off a bra. He was unresponsive. _Damn,_ she thought. _Handling all the laundry in his apartment must have destroyed that part of the feminine mystique._ "You're a guest. You just need to relax. Take a seat."

"… Okay."

He settled on the floor. Mana smiled in frustration.

"What kind of host am I, making you sit down there?" She stuffed her clothes into a hamper and smoothed out the comforter on her bed. It was wide, western-style with a backboard. "Come on up here. It'll be more… comfortable." She sat and patted the space beside her.

Shinji slowly rose and sat beside her, resting balled fists on his knees. Mana was about to pounce on him when he spoke.

"About the other day…" He looked deadly serious.

She smiled indulgently, expecting an awkward request to kiss.

"When we were on the train on, um, on our first date," Shinji went on, coloring lightly at the word, "… About that… I wanted to tell you that I… I like you, too."

It was the first time he told her that, that anyone told her that. Mana gripped the comforter as the world shifted a degree beneath her. Shinji wasn't supposed to take initiative like that. She was supposed to lead and he was supposed to follow. Twice he surprised her today. She needed to regain control of things. Too much depended on it.

But he said he liked her, this artificial, tailored persona she hid inside. It meant the mission was on-track. It meant her normal was on-track.

"You really like me?" she asked.

It took nearly a week to work up the courage to tell her that? Was he that terrified of challenging their new status quo? Did he think she'd change her mind and recant? Or was he just scared to openly cement the relationship? Keeping things undefined and unreciprocated kept him insulated from betrayal and pain.

Shinji tried not to smile too awkwardly. "Well, I… Yeah. I like you."

Mana couldn't help herself. "Why?"

He stared at her a moment, troubled. "I like… being around you. You're fun. You've always been nice to me. You're not…" He frowned briefly, trying to verbalize his feelings. "You're not trying to change me."

But he was changing, he just didn't see it. It was obscured by how "fun" and "nice" she was to him. She was merely tightening the blindfold he wore and moving him in a slightly different direction.

She shook off the pierce of depression that sank through her. He was happy. He was loyal. That was what mattered.

"I'm glad I came to Tokyo-3," Shinji went on. "Because I met you here."

Mana tried to keep the pity from her smile. The army manipulated and directed her fate to bring them together. He would have met her no matter where he was. The name Ikari made him a valuable asset, even without the added title of Pilot.

But within their predetermined union he made her feel like someone worthwhile, someone worth being around, even without knowledge of her extensive skill set. Not a highly trained weapon, but a normal human being.

Mana grabbed his hand. "I like you, too," she told him.

She wondered how bold was too bold for a fourteen-year-old girl dating Shinji Ikari alone in her room with an indefinite time limit. If she kept kissing him would it cement her hold over his emotions? Would having sex with him complete her mission? Would either allow her to permanently keep the feeling of normal she was grasping for?

She needed to experience everything regular couples did to determine where her ordinary life was waiting for her. Racing towards normal.

She kissed him. He gradually relaxed into the embrace and began to hesitantly reciprocate. She forced his lips open and slid her tongue inside his mouth. He gagged and drew back. Mana smirked at him.

"That's a real kiss," she told him.

Shinji stared at her with wide eyes, absently wiping her saliva from his mouth. "… Real?"

"Yeah, real." Mana leaned towards him. "It's the kind of kiss real couples have. And we're a real couple, right?"

He hesitated. "Right."

She put an immovable hand on his shoulder. She pushed and he folded backwards onto the bed. She moved over him. He looked terrified.

"Don't worry," she breathed. "This is what normal couples do."

She slid a hand up to his face, positioning him and holding him in place. Her other hand drifted down near his waist.

_This is what normal couples do,_ she told herself again.

She gave him his second real kiss. He offered less resistance this time.

_This is normal._

His eyes were screwed shut. She kept hers open, watching his reactions and movements with greedy anticipation. She needed to know firsthand how a real person behaved in this situation. How she would learn to behave. He would show her real, and then make her real. She forced all her intimacy training into a natural response for him, straining to forget her past and let him show her a future.

_Make me normal._

Her hands were insistent. He gripped her bed and tried to sink away from her. She did not let him.

_I am normal._

/\/\/\/\

Chapter 5 end

Author notes: Mana's awfully forward, isn't she? Well, she did flash him in the game. I think.

Another weak chapter. I crapped this out to bridge the previous installments with the conclusion. Working through the final chapter made me realize how abrupt it is, but at the same time I don't want to drag this out. There are only so many ways I can communicate Mana's conflicted emotions before it goes stale. Staler.

Next time: The finale. Shit, meet fan. Shinji develops trouble sneezing, Mana does laundry, and Asuka learns to hate crowded shopping arcades. Plus, a strategically deployed F-bomb.

OMAKE

Mana peered at Shinji, sitting next to her on her bed.

"… And you're sure that's what normal couples do when they're together?" she asked him after he explained everything.

He nodded eagerly. "Oh, definitely. I mean, unless you don't _want_ to be normal…"

"No! I do!"

"Okay then." He gestured for her to lie down.

Mana complied, peeking up at him. "So I just stay here and pretend to be asleep? That's it?" She shrugged with a confused smile. "Well, okay. How long should I do it for?"

"Three minutes ought to do it." Shinji moved over her. "You can shut your eyes now."


	6. Chapter 6

Of Steel

Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I do not own Evangelion

/\/\/\/\

She woke beneath an unfamiliar ceiling. She dreamed of her parents for the first time in years. She didn't remember what they looked like but she could not forget the warmth she forever associated with them. She never told about the dreams. There were things they simply did not tell each other. She was okay with that unspoken rule. She didn't want to share her parents with anyone.

She dressed in unfamiliar clothes and ate unfamiliar food in an unfamiliar house. There was an unfamiliar man there but he stayed away and did not do anything besides talk at her.

She left the unfamiliar house and followed other people wearing her unfamiliar clothes. She wasn't scared of being alone. Self-sufficiency was an early lesson the world taught her. She could survive on her own. When she wasn't on her own it was because she chose not to be.

She followed the unfamiliar clothes people to a building on a hill. They talked and smiled and laughed as they entered its gates. She kept her defenses on passive, outwardly relaxed and inconspicuous but searching for anything that ran counter to the flow around her.

Something touched her guard: a thin boy was standing by the gate, watching her. He didn't look physically intimidating and she felt assured she could handle him. He waved and started towards her through the thinning crowd. He stepped close and she tensed.

"Can we talk for a minute?" the thin boy asked.

He was tensed too, but it was a nervous tension, a stressed anxiety, not a combative readiness. She realized he was untrained. The threat level fell a few notches.

She followed him to a tall tree outside the walled gate of the building, away from the other unfamiliar people. He turned and faced her. He had very dark blue eyes, she noticed. She thought it was unusual, but not unwelcome.

"Well, I… I just…" He swallowed hard. He sounded excited and guilty and mortified. He blushed a dark red. "About yesterday… Are you okay? With, with what happened?"

She peered at him. What happened yesterday? What was he talking about? How did this boy know her?

The thin boy laughed once in discomfort, then glanced away. "Sorry. I'm not really… I'm not sure how to, um, act after yesterday."

"Act however you want," she told him. It was no concern of hers.

He hesitated, fidgeting from foot to foot. She looked down with a start and found his hand searching out her own. His fingertips slid over hers and he weakly held her. He was soft and warm.

She looked back up to him preparing a refusal when he lurched towards her, slipping past her defenses to awkwardly touch his lips to hers.

He was too close. She couldn't breathe. She recoiled away from him and lashed a hand out, striking him on the chin. She heard the sharp snap of teeth striking together. She hit him again on the cheek, then the mouth, then the nose. Bright blood shot out.

The thin boy fell and she used her feet. He was curled into a ball, shielding his head. Her foot bent one of his fingers back at a grotesque angle.

There was noise on her left. She looked and found a small crowd of people in the unfamiliar clothes staring and pointing at her. She felt naked and alone. She didn't know where she was. The thin boy was making wheezing sounds.

She ran. She ran on legs too short to be fast. Musashi was at her side, angry and silent. Asari was ahead of her, pulling her hand with gentle urgency. He had to hold so tight it mushed her fingers together. He had to hold so tight because her hand was slippery with blood.

The children led her through the unfamiliar city, past people and places that became alien blurs of color and sound. She stumbled and tripped and hit the blurred people and places but did not stop. Asari pulled her on, mercilessly calm. Musashi guided her path. She ran.

And then she was in the unfamiliar house she woke up in. She fell to her hands and knees, panting, eyes unfocused, and the terror and confusion rushed from her in a desperate stinging surge. Her strength vanished and she crumpled, wanting nothing but to sleep again, to dream of her invisible parents forever and escape this strange, blurry, horrible world.

Someone was near her but she was too tired to be alert. She waited for whatever would happen and accepted her weakness. She hoped Asari and Musashi wouldn't see.

"Kirishima."

Damn it, Asari. Just say my name.

"Kirishima."

"_Kirishima."_

She looked up. Hiroshi was above her, gripping her shoulders, peering at her closely. He squeezed and she winced.

"Get a hold of yourself."

She was in their apartment. The front hall was dimly lit by the kitchen to her left. Mana searched the dark, finding her clothes disheveled and dirty. Scrapes nipped her arms and legs. Her knuckles were purple. There was red splattered on her hands and shoes. A small puddle of vomit swam in putrid stagnation at her side.

She regained control of her breathing and sat up. Hiroshi pulled away, staring at her the whole time. He was tensed, down before her on one knee.

The morning trickled back in pieces. A tall tree. Shinji's eyes. The middle school's gate. Students walking. Running through the city. Shinji's slender hand. Stumbling on bloody shoes. Shinji's eyes. Shinji bleeding on the dusty ground. Traffic lights. Her palm smashing up against Shinji's jaw. Shinji's blushing face. Shinji's eyes.

Mana's stomach twisted and she doubled over. She covered her mouth. "Oh, no," she managed.

"What did you do?" Hiroshi demanded.

She remembered she wasn't alone. Her handler was deadly calm, waiting for her to explain herself. She tried to gather her defenses. She became acutely aware at how much power he wielded over her. She beat back the cringe tickling her spine.

"What did you do?" he repeated.

"I… I don't know. I—"

"Whose blood is this?"

He would find out soon enough. If not from the military eyes on her every movement than the ones from NERV. Mana fought against a growing sense of absolute panic.

"… Shinji Ikari's." And because she knew she could not hide, she told. A cold acceptance settled over her as the memories righted themselves and the narrative concluded. She felt tired and old.

"Do you have any idea what you've done?" Hiroshi said, darkly calm. "How much you've compromised? We never should have trusted you with anything."

Mana kept her head bowed. Everything was numb.

For an agonizing half-minute Hiroshi weighed his options. He sighed. "We should pull you out."

"Wait," she blurted.

Scrapping her mission now meant they'd most likely activate a last-ditch backup plan: She'd "die" in the scenario and her "cousin" Asari would transfer in and gain access to Shinji through that familial connection as a source of comfort, reinforcing her hold over him while forging a new bond.

"I can… I can fix this," she said.

She couldn't leave things like this. She couldn't lose the path to feeling normal that she found for them, even if they were both deluding themselves. Everyone deluded themselves.

"I can fix this," Mana said again.

"Like hell," Hiroshi said.

She never heard him curse before. She felt ill, her life spiraling out of her grip. She was a child again.

_Asari? Musashi? Where are you?_

"You assaulted a pilot," he went on. "There's no 'fixing' this. Katsuragi has to have agents after you already. They're probably headed here. It's only a matter of time before this whole thing unravels completely. We need to pull you out _now_."

He straightened and turned from her, pulling a phone from his back pocket. Mana gazed up at him. He seemed impossibly tall and wide, filling up the entire hallway. Then he began talking, angry rumbles from his throat that shook the world.

The floor shifted beneath her and Mana clutched a hand over her mouth again. She forced her insides back in place behind gritted teeth.

_Damn it. Damn it._

"Get up," Hiroshi ordered, tucking the phone away. "We have confirmation. NERV agents are out and heading here. They've pulled files on us. Your extraction team is en route."

"What… what about Shinji? Will… Asari's being activated, right?"

"That's none of your concern anymore." He waited for her to rise and lost patience. He grabbed an arm and hauled her to her feet, taking care to avoid the vomit. "Extraction point is 3-C. Go out the back and—"

Mana bolted for the front door and crashed into it, fumbling for the lock. She heard the electronic switch open and reached for the handle. Hiroshi caught her hand at the wrist and pulled back. Mana threw a sloppy elbow at him, catching his bottom two ribs. He grunted and stepped off-balance. She pivoted out of his grip and brought a heel down on his kneecap. He fell and she was out the door.

"_Kirishima!"_

She ran and did not look back.

/\/\/\/\

The moon hung between a pair of towering skyscrapers. Mana recognized them as NERV owned and operated storage facilities for city defense. During an attack their façades would peel back and heavy artillery would rise to repel invaders.

She imagined they wouldn't prove too much trouble for a concerted effort from the army. At worst the JSSDF would deploy N2 mines and evaporate the entire city and upper shell of the Geofront. Did that make them more dangerous than Angels? Maybe it just made them worse. Angels didn't kill each other. She doubted they lied to each other, either.

_Or beat each other senseless,_ Mana thought. She was glad she couldn't remember Shinji's face after she hit him. She didn't want to see the betrayal.

She travelled the city with the fear of capture at her back. Covert army checkpoints had to be up around Tokyo-3, blocking escape. NERV was scouring the city. She was trapped.

Mana avoided the surveillance points, as well as NERV's security posts she memorized prior to the mission. There were gaps like any system and she exploited them to stay within its boundaries but out of its reach. She swam carefully through the net alone in the dark city.

She finally stopped at a playground on the east side of the city. Only small circles of light from tall lamps lining the pathway of the park showed the way. Mana slipped between them behind trees and bushes, and jumped over a thin creek to reach a public restroom.

It was dark and empty. She ran a faucet, staring at her dim reflection in the mirror above the sink. Dirt and dried blood streaked over her skin. Her hair was mussed and dirty. Her eyes were weak jade.

The sink filled with water and Mana ducked her face into it. She opened her eyes, watching the blood and grime muddy the water until she couldn't see anything. She gripped the edges of the sink and held until her lungs burned.

She pulled back and gasped for breath. She bent over the sink, panting. Mana ordered composure back into place.

She drained the sink and refilled it. She took her shoes off and scrubbed them white. She slipped off her uniform and started washing it.

Mana stood alone in the dark public restroom in her underwear as her clothes dried. She found the mirror and saw the strange girl staring back at her.

Dawn peeked over the spine of mountains curled around the city. Her clothes were dry enough and Mana redressed. The uniform was damp and heavy, her shoes were soggy and squeaked when she moved. Her wet hair clung to her head. It was good enough.

She pulled her phone out. They'd be able to track it but she had no choice. Mana sent a short message, then walked out of the restroom into the morning sun.

This was her last mission.

/\/\/\/\

She asked him to meet her where she said she had to pay him back for dinner on their first date.

Mana waited in the alley by the game shop, crouched low by a colorful placard of a cartoon girl wearing an armored bikini. She waited twenty minutes before she saw Shinji hobble into the shopping arcade, weaving through a crowd that eyed him with pity and suspicion and confusion.

He was looking up at the store facades, trying to remember where the game shop was. She watched him meander towards her, wait before the shop's front, then look around self-consciously and spot her behind the placard. She stood.

His entire body tensed. He looked scared and that hurt Mana more than anything.

"Hi, Shinji," she said, slowly approaching him. She hid her bruised knuckles behind her back. "I was worried you wouldn't show up."

His face was battered, butterfly bandages on his chin, above his left eye and on his right cheek. His nose was a dark purplish lump. His left forearm was wrapped in gauze. Two of his fingers were in braces.

Mana observed her handiwork. _Sloppy,_ she reflexively thought. _I was just lashing out. No form, no reasoning to the blows._ She restrained a bitter smile. _Oh, and it hurt him, too. I just realized that. God, how sick am I?_

"How are you?" she asked. He didn't answer.

"Why did you want to see me?"

"Why did you come?"

"… I don't know," he admitted. He couldn't look at her.

Mana ran through possible avenues of attack to penetrate his defenses, and possible reactions. She ignored the cruelty of viewing him as nothing but an objective again and focused on what she could do to win, one more time.

_Tell him I like him again. Tell him I love him. Beg for forgiveness. Hurt myself. Kiss him. Let him hit me. Let him fuck me. Tell him the truth. Tell him the truth._

"Ms. Ritsuko…" Shinji began, then stopped. He ran a hand over his bandaged forearm. "I was given something. Pills. So it doesn't hurt. Too much."

"Good," Mana said. She inched a step forward and he inched a step backwards.

"… Are you okay now? Are you… Are you asleep or awake?"

"Awake," she managed to get out.

He nodded once to himself. "Okay."

_I am awake now,_ Mana told herself. _It's reality that's become a nightmare. No. Reality was always a nightmare._

The rest of the shopping arcade faded into a dull oblivious hum around them.

"I'm glad I could see you today," she said. "Sometimes, it, it feels like I've known you for a real long time. I guess because a lot's happened since we met, huh? Too much and not enough." She tried to smile and her body rebelled. "There was a lot we didn't get to do together. I wasn't… I didn't do what I should have and now…"

Shinji looked at her, suddenly desperate. "I'm sorry," he told her.

Mana stared at him blankly. "What?"

"I shouldn't have…" His brow trembled and he shook. "I'm sorry for… for kissing you."

Was he that desperate for affection? That he'd accept the blame to resolve the situation? Did he want to go back to how they were that badly?

_How many times would I have to hurt you before you wouldn't want to stay with me?_ she thought. _How many betrayals does saying 'I like you' earn me?_

She manipulated the situation to her benefit again. She made him afraid of another abandonment and then apologize for getting beaten. She still saw him as a mission objective to be completed.

Then why did she run away from Hiroshi? Why did she escape the eyes of NERV and the military, and spend all night in a dirty public bathroom? Why did she want to see him again today?

Mana strode towards him and before he could do more than look scared she hugged him.

She closed her eyes and squeezed. She could feel his rapid heartbeat, his thin arms pressed under hers, the smooth skin of his neck against her cheek, the hair on the back of his head tickling her nose. He smelled like blood and soap and she did not hate it.

She wanted to remember the feeling of normalcy within abnormality. Of being close to a boy her age and for a moment forgetting half the world was dead, and her parents were gone, and her childhood was lost, and his childhood was lost, and what awaited her after failure, and that the military would most likely have to kill him someday, and the very real possibility that they could all be dead tomorrow.

Mana never wished for a better world because she never knew a better world. She was born to parents she had no clear recollection of, survived a childhood of abandonment on dirty streets, and was groomed to be a living weapon.

She remembered before the army found them she and Asari and Musashi would pretend and live out fantasies inside empty warehouses and dead apartments and in dark alleys. She and Asari would be husband and wife and Musashi was their unruly child because Musashi refused to be married.

Sometimes they were explorers, spelunking ancient shopping arcades. Sometimes they were pioneers, mapping alien forests. Sometimes they were pirates, sneaking into army depots and refugee camps to loot food storerooms. But no matter what they told themselves they were doing, she and Asari were always married and Musashi was always their unruly child.

Mana no longer remembered if they ever had fun pretending. It was a way to make them feel closer than they were, forging some arbitrary and invisible bond to combat the terror and loneliness of their existences. And sometimes it worked.

It was also a way to kill time. Sleeping only lasted so long. It was easier to live pretending they were happy.

"Mana…?" Shinji whispered.

Could she have been happy with Shinji Ikari? She told him he was cute, but truthfully she had no clue if he was. Physical appearances to her were dissected to a combat awareness: how this one moved, how that one gestured, how close they got to her. All she saw were potential threats and all she thought was how to neutralize them.

Other students said he was brave, but to Mana he was simply doing what he needed to do. He had a use and NERV utilized him for it. To her, staring down death, even if death was a building-sized monster, was not brave: it was necessity. Even risking your life to save a comrade was not brave. Rescuing civilians, rescuing the city, rescuing the world were all mission objectives to be completed without fanfare. The dull satisfaction of accomplishing one's duty was more than enough.

Shinji was a good cook. Vending machines were better cooks than the military.

Shinji let himself grow close to her without assessing the dangers, physical and emotional. He was weak, ill-suited for serious combat, and relied on others to initiate and advance. He was passive, lacking the will to actively pursue anything.

Shinji treated her with deference and respect. It proved he was desperate for affection and would behave submissively towards anyone doling it out. It proved he could not discern another's true intentions.

It all proved Mana could never be happy with anyone.

Mana drew back slowly, letting her hands trail down his arms. She sought out his hands and he let her find them. She felt the cold metal braces on his fingers.

"I'm sorry for hurting you," she said. She kept her eyes down. Her lips tugged upwards with a humorless smile. "But I guess… I…" She shook her head. "I don't have any excuses."

Shinji stayed quiet. His hands were limp in hers.

"I'm not the kind of person you think I am. I'm not…" She swallowed thickly. "I'm…" _A liar. A fake. A fraud. A freak. A puppet. A programmed machine used for deception and death. Your girlfriend of broken steel._

"You're Mana, right?"

She stared at him and despair shot through her. Being with him, seeing what a normal teenage existence entailed made her realize how utterly broken she really was.

_I'm supposed to cry now, right?_ she thought. _This is a situation where I should, right? Where it's okay to?_

She couldn't remember the last time she cried, the last time she failed to cope with the world as it was and let her misery and frustration take over. She was trained not to. She was trained to see an objective, complete it, and await the next one, suffocating her humanity to achieve the goal.

_I don't know who I am,_ she thought.

Orphan, soldier, pilot, spy, girlfriend; they were all titles and identities forced on her by others. Somewhere she lost the ability to define herself on her own terms.

Tell him the truth.

She kept her mouth shut. It would hurt him again. The first girl to say she liked him was ordered to tell him that. She was ordered to approach him, talk to him, be nice to him, kiss him. She was ordered to redefine herself through him, so he would redefine himself through her.

She looked at his face, memorizing its curves and shades and imperfections. The bruises and cuts she caused. His nose would heal crooked. The gash on his lower lip would leave a scar. He would remember her every time he looked in a mirror. He would remember how she betrayed him and he would wonder why and he would wonder what was real and what was a lie.

_All I do,_ she thought, _all I'd ever do,_ _is lie to you. With everything I'd do and say. Just like everyone else around you._

And she was lying to herself by pretending she was normal with him.

She tried to forget her past. And her past made sure she couldn't. Suppressing it was like tensing a muscle: she couldn't keep it taut forever. She was too tired to try anymore.

Shinji violated her new reality of control and power when he kissed her, forcing action and reaction on her, dictating her normal, like when she was a child. After tasting freedom how else could she respond? She had no choice but to lash out and reject domination.

She didn't want to think of Shinji like that. He wasn't the viciously superficial Rika or the manipulatively composed Hiroshi. He wasn't a faceless operative or an indifferent doctor or a military officer sweeping his eye over her like she was a trained animal.

And he wasn't just a mission objective. He couldn't be. She needed him to be more. She wanted him to be more. She wanted to be more for him.

"I'm sorry," she told him again, and wasn't sure what she was apologizing for anymore.

Movement behind him caught her defensive eye and she stepped back from Shinji, peering over his shoulder. Asuka was stalking across the arcade glaring death at her.

"_Get back," _she hissed at Mana.

The courtyard came into sharp focus. Section agents were oozing out of the shadows, holding hands to their ears, slipping through the flow of traffic towards them. Dark glasses flashed in the morning sun.

Mana looked back to Shinji, searching out his eyes. He was turned away from her, following her gaze to Asuka.

_Not yet,_ Mana panicked. She reached out to touch his shoulder, to find that break in her armor one more time. _I'm not ready to give this up. I don't want to._

Asuka was nearly on them. Her fists were tight. Her eyes slashed past Shinji to Mana. She wondered if she could take the redhead in a fight.

The agents were closing. One was suddenly looming beside her.

Mana dodged on instinct and ran. She bent low to the ground, hiding under the heads and shoulders of the crowd, darting towards the arcade's west exit. She felt hazy and light. Everything was floating around her, the people turned to blank obstacles for her escape, the storefronts became walls of a maze directing her path.

Two agents appeared at the arcade's exit gates and she swerved to the left, wall-kicking over a fence, pausing at the top to glance over her shoulder. Shinji was trying to stop Asuka from following her, holding his hands up and talking. Asuka was glaring at him with a furious jumble of emotions.

_Look at me,_ Mana pleaded with Shinji. _Just one more time. Look at me like I'm normal one more time._

Shinji remained before Asuka, even as agents swarmed around them, parting the arcade's current. Asuka's eyes darted up, found her, and held steadily in placid fury. Shinji continued to talk to her.

The last thing Mana saw was the back of his head before agents closed in like curtains, shutting him off from the rest of the world.

Her defenses pricked up. One of the Section men was below her, reaching a meaty hand out for her ankle. Mana slipped through his fingers and hurdled the fence, landing hard on the other side. She ran again, darting through empty, faceless civilians, the world a blur of color and sound as her body moved on its own.

_Where am I going?_ she thought distantly. _Where_ can _I go?_

Away. Away from here, away from her failed final mission, away from the only person in the world who dared make her feel like she was a real part of humanity.

A thick arm flashed across her vision and curled around her neck. She was yanked off her feet and pulled into a nearby van. There were hands on her shoulders and arms, keeping her in place. The van doors shut.

It was cold and dark. She smelled oil and sweat. She could not see the men that held her with iron hands. She strained to see through the tinted wire mesh windows on the van door, catching distant flashes of sunlit people and places. The shopping arcade flew by out of reach. She could not see Shinji.

Mana relaxed and was pulled deeper into the van. She bowed her head. The invisible men placed her on a slim bench against the wall, jumping and rumbling with the road. Hands stayed on her shoulders. Someone was talking, but she could not decipher the words. She stared down at the dark stained floor and fell into a blank abyss. Musashi's and Asari's tiny hands reached out for her but she recoiled away from them and fell alone, down into the black infinite chasm.

_Goodbye, Shinji._

She shut her eyes.

_Goodbye._

/\/\/\/\

Of Steel

End

Author notes: Sigh. Will I ever write something for Mana that doesn't end with her emotionally shattered? Chasing happiness and normalcy is fairly popular in Eva. Mana tried, and failed, but she tried. And she began to accept that failure, which is a step up on the rest of the cast.

I always thought Mana had potential as a more serious character. I'm glad many of you seem to agree. I hope I at least offered a slightly new angle to her expected storyline. Thanks for reading my drivel.

Now to wash away a fraction of the disappointment for another lame ending of mine, it's time for some fan service.

OMAKE of Dreams

Shinji finished playing the cello for her. Over the years she learned to appreciate the instrument, and music in general. It became such an important aspect of his life she had to at least try.

Mana knew he was good based on nothing but technical proficiency. Others praised his skill as well, although Soryu was as dismissive as ever. It was an expected response by now, as was Shinji's poorly hidden hurt feelings. Mana realized it was Soryu's perverse way of flirting, trying to spur some kind of reaction from him. Shinji was oblivious to her intent. Mana wanted to keep it that way.

"Good job," she told him referring to the piece, putting everything else out of her mind.

"Thanks." Shinji was reluctant to accept praise. "I'm still working the bugs out of it. Composing is a lot tougher than just playing." He wasn't fishing for compliments; he was stating fact.

Mana was on the floor before his chair. Since the first time he played for her it was their unspoken configuration for his short recitals. She refused offered chairs, or to practice in another room. She liked watching him above her, filling her sight, pushing away the rest of the world as he played. It felt like she was in a hazy dream.

"I'm sure your teacher could help you if you played it for him," Mana said. "I'm as dense as a brick wall."

Shinji colored slightly and glanced away. "I don't want anyone else to hear it. Not yet at least. This is just for you."

The dream got hazier. "Such a romantic," she teased. Mana moved beside him, leaning against his leg. She rested her head on his knee. "I feel like I'm in a dream with you," she told him with a smile. "But it's a good dream. I haven't had a good dream since…" Mana paused in thought. "I can't remember when."

She felt him tense. "I want you to have good dreams," he said. "You deserve to have them."

She knew what she deserved.

"Why are you still with me?" she asked quietly. "After everything?"

Shinji was quiet for a moment. "Because I like you. Because you're fun, and nice, and kind, and generous, and understanding." He paused to blush. "And because you're very pretty."

Even now he was still so easily embarrassed.

He recovered. "I like you because you're a good person." He smiled. "Because you're Mana."

She knew he may never forgive her completely, or he may lose his feelings for her one day, but for now this was enough. For now she knew who she was.

She smiled up at him. "I'm Mana."


End file.
